Rethinking.

I'm starting to rethink my position on some things. I'm thinking about whether or not to really let this person in... I still don't understand what I'm so afraid of. I feel like I'm too weird or something. I'm thinking about the past again and how I made some irrational decisions before, but usually during a relationship. I get stupid and scared and forget to think and before I can I run... I think the worst part of it though is that no one really fights for it. We kind of just say ok and go our separate ways without even trying to save anything. Is that my fault? Is it anyones? Maybe we just didn't care for each other to try... maybe it just wasn't what real...

Maybe I'm over thinking it, but lately I think I've been underthinking it. I guess I'm afraid that if I let him in or let him in anymore than I already have, he'll think I'm really weird or something and I'd scare him away. He says it's not true and won't happen, but what if he's saying that just to be nice. I feel like maybe I shouldn't have let it get this far this soon or even at all. Ugh. I just want to stop thinking all together.

What am I afraid of?
Why do I open up to people just to close them out again?


P.S. Please don't read too much into this. I'm on my period, so I'm a little delusional. Sorry. I'll get over this phase or whatever you want to call it. Just gimme a week... xDDDD