Rain is cleansing.

Hello Rainy Washington (: I'm so glad you're back to your normal self. You really saved me today because I needed something to cleanse my soul... haha. Seriously though I was so stressed out about every little thing today (I think it might have been because I was so tired) and I was going to explode. After school though, after the group interview to be on yearbook staff next year, as soon as I got outside and felt the rain I felt... like relieved or happy. I don't even know. Like as soon as the rain hit my skin I felt like smiling and just taking off my backpack and jacket and just stand there. I didn't though because I had stuff to do, so I decided to just walk down to the library. Felt amazing even though my backpack was super fukkin' heavy from my books.

I feel like crying, I feel like dying. Maybe not that last part about dying... I just put that in cuz it rhymed, but the crying part is for sure. I'm so stressed out about stupid stuff right now. School mostly and that stupid scholarship. It's not even for a college thing! It's just to golf at the country club. Now if I get super good at golf I could get scholarships to college for that. I'm going to post something after this that's all about golf and how I feel about it and all that good stuff. This post is just gonna be about how freaking stressed out I am. I'm at the library right now studying my arse off again like I usually do after school. I love this quiet section of the library. I'm so glad Kels&I discovered it even though we didn't know it was the QUIET section at the time... hahaha.

Things stressing me out:

• MVCC scholarship
• Next school year/schedule (Yearbook staff? Theatre tech? APUSH?)
• Grades... will cry if I don't get them fixed by the end of the week...

My eyes hurt and are super red right now because I'm just that tired.

No, I haven't been crying... I really want to, but I can't though.

Like I've literally tried just sitting on my bed and tried to make myself cry.

It just doesn't work anymore... I'm afraid that it only means...

that when I do cry, it'll be pretty bad...

or I'm all out of tears or I'm not human or just heartless.

Am I depressed again? Nah, just stressed and tired. Super, super tired.

Sleep deprivation causes stress and depression. I'm so screwed. xDDDDDD