Rx

How does pizza and a shower sound?
Like the crust would get soggy ;)

My new favorite show just might be Royal Pains.

So today was interesting. I'm not sure what to make of it, but it's alright. I'm not sure what to make of most of my life right now. I'm grateful for my friends, family, and this blog. Haha. I know that last one is weird, but blogging is my way of venting and helps me keep track of things when life gets hectic. I feel self-center and shit sometimes when I blog, but then I remember that this is MY blog, so if people have a problem with what I say in here... don't read my blog. Easy enough. I'm just saying. (:

Alright, so I'm watching Royal Pains right now and it's pretty awesome. There's a lot of life lessons and stuff to learn from this show. And it also makes me hate rich people, but love them at the same time. Haha. Anyway, life is the story here.

I still haven't heard anything about the scholarship, but I will hear soon. I get to practice golfing with the people going to state on Monday though, so I'm pretty excited. I would've started golfing this week, but it's Hell Week. Rehearsals have been going from 4pm to 10 all week. Same is going to happen today and tomorrow. Then set building is going unto 10pm on Saturday as well. I'm pretty sure the only day I might have free is Sunday, but there's probably something going on with the play and even if there isn't then I'll end up studying. I'm super scared about this AP biology exam on the 10th... then our biology final starts tomorrow. It's a 3 day final with the AP exam grading style. This means that for every answer you get wrong, you get deducted 1/4 of a point. After the biology exam though, a lot of weight will be lifted off my shoulders. I'm just hoping my grades don't suffer to badly after this final.

School is draining my energy/life/soul... I'm turning into a freaking zombie, but I'm totally ok with it because I'm really enjoying/loving life right now. I'm hoping to get most if not all of my Junior Project finished over the summer so I won't have to worry about it next year. I'm not taking poetry or creative writing anymore. I've been invited to take journalism and I've decided to do it. I've been wanting to write for the paper since freshman year and I'm finally getting this chance, so I'm exctied. I'm starting a poetry club next year anyway, so I'm not too worried about it. I'm just kind of worried about theatre tech because I kind of feel like I'm letting people down by not taking the class next year. I still want to help out with the plays, but I don't know if I'll have the time. Especially if I get onto Varsity for the girls golf team next year. My dad says I'll have to drop tech entirely if I don't have any chance of getting paid if I end up making varsity because I'll have to golf a lot more often. Probably an hour every day... but if I get onto the payroll then I won't be giving up tech.

There's just a lot going on, but I'm totally ok with the way life's going right now. Anyway, I've got to go to rehearsals. It might be bad if the light girl is late for rehearsals. =P

Stressors.

• AP exam next month
• Theatre/Wizard of Oz
• Golfing
• Grades
• Next year
• Tech/job?
• Journalism?
• Poetry vs. invictus
• Telling Lloyd I won't be in tech
• SAT's
• Poetry club next year?
• NHS, Key Club, Interact
• Golf/Varsity/MVCC scholarship.
• F#$&ed up bedroom
• Bioethics/Junior Project...
• Driving/License/Car

Headlines!

"To those who can dream there is no such place as faraway."

"You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

"Clouds come floating into my life no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywere."

- Frank A. Clark

"We are all damaged in our own way, nobody's perfect; I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us."

- Johnny Depp

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out."

- Art Linkletter

"It's not life that weighs you down, it's the way you carry it."

- Anonymous

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

- Thomas Edison

"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

- Marilyn Monroe

Sundays.

It's Sunday and it's a beautiful Sunday. The day isn't over, but it's been a pretty good day thus far and I'm excited for the rest of today. Yesterday was pretty great too. I get my security badge for the museum next week! I'm excited. Then I went to a charity poker tournament last night. It was fun. My dad was so close to winning it's ok thought because it was a good cause plus I got to see my family and that's always fun.

Today was a productive/lazy day. I know those are two totally opposite things, but that's how my life is I guess. I woke up at like 9am and watched an hour worth of Jullian Smith videos on YouTube. I absolutely love that guy. You should check him out. (http://www.juliansmith.tv/) Then I started studying AP biology. It felt good and I'm starting to feel a little better about taking the exam next month. After 4 hours of studying I decided to watch Prefontaine and I absolutely loved it. It was just amazing, but incredibly sad to me.

Now I'm playing Monopoly with my little sister and I'm gonna see The Losers with my dad at 8PM. I'm pretty stoked. For two reasons... 1) I've been wanting to see The Losers! and 2) it's been a very long time since my dad and I saw a movie together... like just the two of us. I don't remember when the last time was, but I think it was before middle school. =P

I love my family. I love life right now. I need to focus on school and my family. Nothing else right now. I need to keep this mindset of never giving up on my dreams and not letting anyone get me down. I am going to make it to a college/university in New York or Boston. I will get my PhD in something. Those things... goals... hopes... dreams... wishes... those are the reason I work hard in everything I do. Those are things that I know that if I keep working the way I am right now I will accomplish and achieve those things. Those are the things that will be proof of the hard work I've done. Those are the things that I'll be able to rub into the faces of those who looked down on me.

I also do it for my family in the now and the family I will have in the distant future. My family has done so much to get me where I am now and I'm not going to let them down. I'm going to be able to pay them back for all of the hard work they've been through to support me and my sister. I want to be able to make them proud and make it possible for them to just be able and sit back and relax. I want them to not have to worry about so much anymore. I want to be able to look at them in the future and say thank you. I know how much my mom had to sacrifice to take care of me... I didn't have much of a childhood, but that wasn't anyone's fault. My mother had to work and she wanted to keep me safe and out of harms way. We've been through rough patches and it's taken me so long to understand why she's done all those things she does and stuff. I love her. Even if there are days where I want to shout about how much I hate her... I love her. My mom worked so hard to give me the life she never had and I want to be able to show her how much I appreciate that.

I told myself that once I were able to get out of Washington, I would never look back. I would cut all ties and just leave. I'd start a new life. Now I have a totally different mindset. I will come back. I'd come back for them. Life ain't so bad. People should learn to appreciate it a little more, but I'm a hypocrite, so who knows... I don't...

I don't think that made any sense, but I like the way it sounded, so I'm gonna leave it at that and hit 'publish post.'

(:

T.G.I.F.

Thank Godzilla It's Friday... (:

So I'm feeling pretty good about myself and life in general. There are just a few things that're really bugging me, but I'll work through it. I'm making Maddie a present for her birthday. I can't say what it is exactly... it's a surprise and I hope she likes it (:

Digital Design has been pretty fun. I really like sitting next to Anthony haha. He's a crazy cool guy. xD But seriously, to day we had Mama G as our sub and we'll have her again on Monday. So we were all playin' Call of Duty. Haha.

I'm really enjoying AP biology these days. We've been doing this sort of game and whenever we get an answer right we'd get bonus points for the quarter. I got myself 3 points. Oh and we got our AP bio. shirts today! They're pretty cool. Not as awesome as I'd thought they were gonna be, but it's ok.

Rehearsals were great. I brought my sister along because she pretty muched begged. Haha. I'm glad she had fun and got to see her friends. Ms. Lloyd offered her a summer job to walk her dogs. I'm gonna have to be the one that runs it by our mom though. I'll fight for Lani, but we'll see what happens.

Facebook memories(:

Earth to Mars.

So I'm here in the office... light booth... my space. Haha. I love it here in the theatre. Right now I don't actually have anything to do, but Ms. Lloyd wants everyone to be here the whole time just in case and stuff. So I don't have any actual theatre work to do, so instead I'm just doing homework and such. I have Brianna Barnes here next to me and she's this awesome techie (: It's pretty cool working this show. It's the Wizard of Oz so there's a huge cast and tons of new friends are being made. The only thing with this is that it interferes with my time to study for the AP exam on May 10th. That the Monday after the first week of shows. Ah, I won't get any sleep.

Ummm... so I had a good moment in math today because I was the only one who could figure out the warm up. Plus, I got a homework pass, so if I hadn't finished my homework in class, I wouldn't have had to do it. In Digital Design I was able to finish my Disney Castle scene. I love that class right now. I've learned so much and I'm asking my parents for the Adobe Master CS4 Collection. I'm coming up with a wishlist for future references. I'm going to start making a list on here, so I remember. We didn't do anything in biology, but I talked to Stowell about starting a study group kind of thing to study for the exam, so I'm starting to plan that right now and hope to have that operational by next week. We talked about heroism some more today in English. I actually made a heroism poem and Maebori seemed to like it. I thought it turned out pretty good. CWI was boring... Nat & I didn't get to present our CBA PPT because we had a substitute today so we just worked on maps of Asia. So some guys were stupid, but hilarious in CWI. Anthony "went to the bathroom" and while he was gone there was a phone call and one of the guys got called down to the attendance office... haha. It was weird, but funny. So that was today. It was great. (:

Mars' Wishlist [I don't actually expect to get any of these things, but I can wish for them]:

• Laptop
• Adobe Master CS4 Collection
• MiniCooper
• Writing kit thingy (feathered pen & ink and a seal)
• Bookcase/shelves

Oh and I remember the one movie I forgot to mention in my last post was Cutting Class. An old like late 80's and early 90's movie with Brad Pitt in it. It was a decent movie. Kind of stupid, but the best ones always are.

AH, time to get to some actual work now... homework, not tech. =P

Royal Pains.

I am definitely better than I was last night and this morning. I had a momentary outburst. I wasn't able to handle my emotions and I apologize. I get retarded like that some times. xD I think I was just feeling upset for some reason about my parents being gone. I can handle things when they are there or when they aren't, but if they are in the process of leaving or coming back after a trip, it gets complicated. I don't understand why. Whatever. That little phase of the weekend is over and I'm glad their back. It was a good day after Kelsey and Alannah left. I did laundry with my mom while watching The Lizzie McGuire Movie. Then my sister got to play outside like she wanted while me, mom, and dad all got lazy together and just watched 5 episodes of Royal Pains. I actually fell asleep after the 3rd episode, but I guess they did too. Haha. So when we all woke up we finished it together. It was awesome. Then I finished my essay that I'm actually pretty happy with. I loved today. I really did. I live for days like this. Perfect days that just go by so easily. And the reason it was so perfect was because it wasn't perfect, but we were able to get through it in a reasonable fashion. And it was a lazy day. Best kind of days.

My parents brought gifts back from Vegas and it makes me happy that they know me so well to get me things that they know I would truly appreciate for weird reasons. Hahaha.

• Cinnamon toothpicks
• CSI: Las Vegas T-shirt
• Giant pink eraser

Last night was pretty good aside from my minor breakdown. Kelsey, Alannah, and I had a horror movie marathon. We watched some so many different movies. Most of them were actually straight to DVD movies too. Haha. Some were old and some were recent. Some were really stupid and cheesy, but super funny. More of them were really good though and I'm glad I got to see them with my friends. The featured film was Pathology. Amazing movie. Milo Venti-something is super hot. xD

Here's a list of the movie's we saw in order I think...

• Pinocchio's Revenge -- old, weird, shitty ending... but funny and not so bad. Haha.
• Drive Thru -- hella weird, Horny the Clown... xDDDDDD Pretty good though.
• April Fool's Day -- was too stupid for us to finish. Haha
• Pathology -- pretty awesome movie
• The Thaw -- Val Kilmer, wholly mammoth, prehistoric parasite... pretty cool movie... awesome concept...
• American Psyco -- we had the DVD out, but we never really got to it. Haha.

I think I'm missing a movie, but I'm not sure what it is. If I remember I'll add it to the list. But yeah, that's what we did. Haha. That's what we do. xD

I like lists... a lot. Haha. xD

Alright. Good night.

Today...

I hope to die

to go out

without

those sappy

bullshit goodbyes.

So Kels, Alz, & I just finished this horror fest movie marathon thing last night. And I realized that I have a good life and that if I were to have fallen asleep and never woken up last night, I would've been ok with that. I'm falling into a state of self-loathing and depression. I've lost touch with people who used to mean so much to me. And yet, I don't care anymore. I keep feeling like I'm shit and just an awful person. Am I? I feel like I am. So what would it matter if there was one less shitty person in the world... that would be nice wouldn't it? Alright. I'm going to go and try to feel better because I know that I'm not completely worthless... not yet anyway. I know I need to stop acting like this and stop talking like this, but sometimes I just don't know. So I'll go. Who knows... maybe I'll post later about how I had a better day, but no one really cares because no one actually reads these stupid things. xD

At least I'm hoping no one reads them because I'd feel less shitty and stupid.

Period.

I'm pissed. I hate her.

I hate them. All of them.

I can't wait to get out of here.

I don't need them.

I don't need anyone.

I'm pissed... and I'll regret this tomorrow.

But for now. I hate everyone.

I hope she doesn't come home.

Because I'm sick of cleaning up her messes

and getting in trouble for stupid shit.

My efforts are overlooked

because of stupid shit.

Stupid fucking shit.

This is me.

Full of hate.

Acrimonious.

Bitter.

2 more years.

I'm gone.

God, I hate being on my period. I get pissed off... then I realized that I'm being angry for stupid reasons, so I end up being pissed at myself and being filled with so much self-loathing. Right now I kind of hate people. Not all people, but a handful of people. I could make a list of them, but I won't because as soon as I hit "Publish Post" I know I will hate myself even more and feel terrible... but I won't delete it because... I just don't want to delete it, but I probably will. At this point it's hard to tell... so I'm going to go and imagine myself destroying her room after I've cleaned it for her arrival because I know she won't even care or notice otherwise.

Change of Plans.

This week has been fun. I got my A's... more or less. I mean, like 3 of them are A-minuses, 2 solid As, and a B in biology. Whatever. I can fix that. Just have to work hard this quarter and not screw up again. HSPE is over and I never have to endure that again as long as I pass. And if I don't pass, I will forever feel like a moron. Thus, I'd better fucking pass. A lot of us kids finished like a half hour early, so we played apples to apples because Ms. Fuller is amazing (:

I feel like I've made a lot of progress as a person and just with a lot of stuff, but there are a lot of things that seem like they're falling to pieces. The AP exam is coming up and I'm scared... my study habits are fucked. Then the play is coming up and I have to work in the theatre everyday starting next week. Monday to Friday. From right after school 8PM and later. Hah. I'm fucked. Oh and it turns out there's no point in getting a job at the theatre any more either because of something between shows, Kent Parks, and a bunch of other shit not paying blah blah. Gahh... I mean it's not the end of the world, but it would've been nice to be able to do that for a job. Ummm... and I don't know about the golf scholarship yet, but that's not stopping me from golfing. What might stop me though is if golf gets cut because the KSD sucks ass. I might cry if this happens. Kind of screws up a lot of things because I love golf and I was going to use it to waive my PE credits... I have no time to fit in gym credits the next two years. I don't really want to do track or anything else but golf..... gah. I'll figure something out though. I'm not going down without a fight.

Random list of some good television shows I watched today that made me happy, in order:

• 10 Things I Hate About You
• Accidentally on Purpose
• How I Met Your Mother
• Royal Pains

People that made this a good day, in order of appearance (:

• Lani -- sent me a text during class that read: "I will miss u bye see u when i co[me] back from school!!!!" (:
• Kels -- Giving me a ride to school and making it a good morning and making plans this weekend... DinglePop :D
• Ms. Cambridge -- for still loving me for buying her erasers for her whiteboard. Hahaha.
• Madds -- She honestly makes everyday a good day. Can't wait for her party.
• Anthony Ford -- for feeling awkward, haha ;)
• Eric & Tyler -- because AP biology would be miserable without them... hahaha... oh those rhinos and elephants xP
• Jerame & Brian -- cuz their Brian & Jerame, and vice versa. oh the under the table memories xD
• Catherine -- PENIS!
• Maebori -- for abusing your teacher privilege to access hilarious YouTube videos
• Natalie -- for being an awesome project partner
• Ryan Adams -- for that tattoo conversation
• Matt Caviness -- for just being weird
• Rachel, Anna, &Alexa -- for the fun handy Harriet tips... hahaha.
• Brandon Fisher -- for giving me a ride home today... thank you.

"...and sometimes good things fall apart so betters things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

Just a couple things.

• HSPE -- I hate triangles... xD

• Math. Just... I love my math class (:

• AP bio. craziness -- ping-pong, NINJA, magic card tricks, &13 :D

• Keoni! It's been 4 years since I've seen or even talked to him and facebook has once again reconnected an old friendship. Haha. Last thing I really remember was us playing baseball in my yard after my parents wedding in 2006... it feels like it's been forever though. He moved to Arizona, but apparently moved back sometime this year, so we definitely need to hang out.

• Prefontaine -- A movie I apparently must see. I was skeptical, but Jared Leto plays Steve Prefontaine... I need to at least try to see it. Haha. Plus, it's one of those inspirational sports movies and those are always good.

• Dad left for California yesterday for work & Mom's leaving for Vegas tomorrow... ... gonna be gone the whole week):

Happy Birthday Mom! ♥

...a continuation.

It's been a wonderful week. I mean really wonderful. Some bumps here and there, but that's life. I keep saying that and that'll be my excuse for most things until I have them figured out. I've been working on a... I know it's silly, but a song maybe... I don't know. I've had a lot of stupid ideas in my head and lately I've been having a lot of things going through my mind. Top priority though are my grades. Then my family. Friends... so on. I love my family... I feel like everything is finally good. I feel like I've grown and it shows in the way I am with my family because family is everything to me. I can't lie to them... I used to, but I'm just done with that.

The past couple of weeks, I've been arguing with this stupid voice inside my head. Haha. I sound crazy, but it's what I do. I've been debating whether or not it'd just be better/easier to be a robot with no feelings. I mean, I've already been feeling like a heartless bitch. But I'm getting over that. Slowly, but surely. I've decided that it IS ok to have feelings and feelings are the hardest things to figure out, but I don't think they're meant to be figured out. I think feelings are a kind of thing that guide you. I argued that if I were a robot I'd feel kind of lonely and want to cry, but if I were a robot I wouldn't feel anything at all so that isn't possible... I don't know what I'm trying to say with this, but I think that if I shut in my emotions and shut people out of my heart... I may live a very broken and lonely life. I think I might be the only one that understands what I'm trying to say. This is me trying to talk about feelings after I've already said that feelings can't really be figured out. Haha.

This week with family and just getting work done and spending time with friends... I've just realized that I'll never be happy if I shut people out. And I've realized that I don't have to leave my heart wide open. I can leave the door open just a crack. (:

I just don't think I'm ready to fall in love or anything just yet. Relationships just don't compute well with me. Not yet anyway. I knew that last year... what happened this year? Last year I kind of went into sleep mode. I followed a routine. I became a robot, mostly. The one thing that kept be from becoming one completely were feelings of loneliness and depression. And then this year, something happened to wake me up. I'm grateful... thankful. It was sort of life changing. So my heart is open just a crack to let friends and family in, but I don't think I'll be ready for anything else for a long while. So for now I will love my family and fall into friendship with whoever I decide to let in.

Not my song, but it's how I feel and it makes me happy (:

http://charliemcdonnell.com/music/a-song-about-love/

To be continued...

Dedicated to Susan...

Oh Susan... haha. She said I should blog about today and I told her I would even though I had planned to already. (: It was a good lazy AND productive day. It was half and half. I slept in til noon... that's the lazy part. The productive part was getting the cladogram finished with Nat&Susan. I'm so glad to have these projects out of the way. Now I can turn both my poster and cladogram in early and not have to deal with them. I just wish it weren't so annoying having to carry them around. Oh well. I need to do the extra credit and my test corrections, but I still have time to do those later on.

Alright, so when I'm finished with this post, I'm going to watch Serendipity for the first time. I borrowed it from Nat since apparently her mom hates that movie, but I'm a sucker for these kinds of movies so it's ok. I'm not sure what else to say right now... I mostly did this cuz Susan wanted me too. She compared me to the lady in a House episode where she blogged about everything in her life. I'm not that bad... I mean she kind of had issues. JK. It's alright, the actress that played her was Donna on That 70's Show. (:

Oh and random trivia... I love Edward Norton. He has a history degree from Yale which only makes me love him more. Ahhh. Haha. :D

Strictly Sexual ;)

Okay, okay... it's not what you think if you were thinking something when you saw the title of this post. Hahaha. It's the title of this very inappropriate, but interesting movie on Hulu. I thought, aside from the sex, it was good. It's one of those movies you kind of learn something from... I'll put some quotes at the end of this post. There's this other movie on Hulu that I saw called '100 Girls.' I know, I know... what's up with all these movies Mara! Hahaha. This one was more of a romantic comedy which happened to have 100 girls... but there isn't as much sex in this one as you might think. Anyway, I thought it was a really good movie and, again, it's one of those movies you kind of learn something from. I'll put quotes from that movie at the end of here too.

Now that I have that out of the way, I must say, today... was a very productive day. Haha. I'm rereading that last line in my head and it was very rhymey... ah, I must sound like a lunatic. Hahaha. Oh well. I was able to finish my Pathogens Poster for biology and it looks pretty damn good if I do say so myself. And I submitted my poem for the poetry contest at the library... happy national poetry month everyone, in case you didn't know. I'm hoping to win. I really am. If you wanna know what poem I submitted it's call 'Ice Sculpture.' It's in my poetry blog. You should check it out. There's a link on the upper right-hand corner of this blog. Feel free to read my other poems too and comment. Anyway... that's all I did, but it felt good. I did quite a bit of studying too, with the AP biology exam coming up real soon. Alright, I'm gonna go back to studying since I can't seem to think of anything else to say. Here are those quotes...

STRICTLY SEXUAL

Joe: I like fucking. I like it a lot. Who doesn't? But people make such a big deal out of it. There's so much emphasis put on appearance. I don't know why. I've had sex with fat girls, with skinny girls. It's really all the same.

Joe: Sex isn't about talking dirty or some silly new position, it's about trust.

My favorite quote from Strictly Sexual...

Stanny: You know real life, it ain't like the movies. Life is just a bunch of stories you go through and they all end sooner or later. But it's ok. I'm gonna go find my next story. I hope you do the same

100 GIRLS

Matthew: One hundred girls. And one of them is my true love, my forever soul mate, the Betty to my Barney, my kismetic destiny. The problem is I don't know who she is.

Matthew: It was if I was a perverted Prince Charming. Instead of possessing Cinderella's glass slippers, I had her panties.

Matthew: Men have this anti-intimacy force field around them. It is powered by sarcasm, humor, and aversion.

Matthew: There are no clearly defined rules between men and women. So, each side thinks they're playing fair and each side thinks they're being cheated. Maybe, this is why men and women have the innate ability to bring out the poison in one another.

Matthew: You know something, Crick. I was wondering. Do the bad guys of the world really know they're being bad? Or do the bad guys actually just think they're being good guys, when, in fact, they're just acting like sphincters?

Crick: I don't know. You tell me, "smart guy!"
Matthew: So you really think you're a good guy?
Crick: Yeah, I know I am! See, you're the one who's trying to steal my chick! I'm the cool one!
Matthew: Cool? Oh, that's another thing that just bothers me. I was just reading that one in six people in the world think they're cool. What is that? Like, a BILLION people are cool? That just can't possibly be right! If everybody's cool, then really, nobody is cool.
Crick: You don't know what you're talking about, guy!
Matthew: Look at you! I mean, the modern day media, the magazines, the TV. They show us what coolness is, so that you ponytail pretenders can go out there and buy coolness, thus fooling the weak-minded and unsuspected!

Matthew's big speech in 100 Girls... the way he delivered it was just so amazing. You're just gonna have to see it for yourself [YouTube link below]. (:

Matthew: Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even through I don't know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days shopping and cooking together. I swear, I'll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking. If you consent to live with me, I'll clean the toilet every week. I'll do it with my tongue if you ask. I will strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary. I'll love you. Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it "May May". I will only pass gas underneath the covers and only under the direst of circumstances. Hell, I'll go on a low cholesterol diet. And I won't buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week, even if your mom is a big witch with a capital B. And your folks don't have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us. I declare, I'll separate the whites from the colors, I'll learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes. I'll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on your makeup. If you're a cat person, I'll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning, but a cat can't. I will happily go see chick flicks with you, like "Pride and Prejudice". I'll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo. I won't curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it. I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask, "Is my hair looking okay tonight?" I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle". I'll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day. I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me! And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart. I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys, and I'll never leave my socks on the floor. With me, you'll find the cap is always on the toothpaste. I'll start wearing those male bikini style underwear if you like. My belly button will always be lint free. I want to full-on kiss your clitoris. It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you've ever had. I declare now, I will give my life for you. And if you fail to come to me, I know some part of me will surely die.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jmuyaONeCA

independence dance?

Here's another list... only this one is always changing. Depends on a lot of different variables I guess... the 3 biggest variables though are myself, the people, and just the all around mood of the day. Those are very general variables, but they change this list a lot. Just keep that in mind.

Things I hate/annoy me most/ugh...

• lying/liars
• slackers
• when someone starts saying something but doesn't finish or says nevermind
• not having a plan
• having nothing to do
• being wrong
• being proven wrong
• littering
• make-up
• being told I can't do something/isn't good enough
• asking for help
• feeling helpless
• being called weak
• people...
• broken promises
• stupid people

It's a very bipolar list. That's life. Ugh... there is so much more that I want to put on this list, but I'm listening to happy music, so I can't really think of them right now. Hahaha. Some things I just kind of want to explain... First off, I AM a hypocrite, but I honestly think that no one is truly NOT a hypocrite, so whatever. And like I said earlier, it all depends on my mood and other stuff. When I say stupid people... I don't know. I feel mean by saying it, but some people can be idiots sometimes and it can be pretty annoying! Oh and being called weak... yeah, only okay when I say it or it's an appropriate time to say it like sayyyy not being able to push something super heavy across the theatre stage or something. THAT is an appropriate time to call me weak because I'll probably be laughing/admitting it myself. It is NOT ok to say that I'm weak everyday out of no where. =P I hate that. Seriously. This kid I know did that a couple days ago and dude... I showed him. JK. But I imagined my fist running into his face at one point, but it wouldn't have worked so I instead imagined I kicked him... and yeah. That was pretty effective xD Seriously though, we were walking down the hall when he said that... so I just shoved him, but he was laughing the whole time... until he hit the wall right in front of him that he didn't seem to have noticed. Yeah... revenge is a bitch and I'ma bitch that fights back. Haha. Ugh, I don't know what's up with me today. I feel like punching someone in the face. I really, really do. There's this one girl I think I'm really close to just... I don't even know. I'm just waiting for a good time where it'll be worth getting a detention or something. I've been able to tolerate her for another friends sake, but it's getting really close. I'm not even kidding. Wow, this post which at one point had a point... seems to have become a random rant of sorts. Oh well. You can stop reading if you want... I'm just gonna keep ranting about stuff you might not care about xD

Here's a random topic... sort of, people making out in the halls at school kind of annoys me too. I didn't put it on the list, but I think it should be. I mean I see those people doing their thing and in my head I'm thinking, "wow, I hope they know they won't be together in another month..." Haha. I know it's a little mean, but that's just how I think. I've never believed in things lasting. I don't believe in forever and I don't know if I believe in relationships.I don't know why I think this right now, but it's just some random thing I'm thinking that won't get out of my head. I just don't have time for a relationship and I keep forgetting that. It kind of sucks, but it's alright I guess. Whatever. I don't even know what I'm talking about any more. I've been watching too much TV, but Mary from In Plain Sight is probably one of my heroes. =P

So let's end this entry with awesome quotes from Mary Shannon which I pretty much agree with. (:

Marshall Mann: What exactly is your beef with humanity?

Mary Shannon: I have no beef with humanity... it's people I can't stand.

• Mary Shannon: "Happily ever after"; the big lie. Those three insidious words, repeated again and again, promising myself, and a gazillion other little girls, that some day, sure as the sunset, a man prettier than ourselves, would sweep us away. To live our lives forever and a day. Blah blah, blah. Never once, mentioning the years of quiet desperation, that surely followed. Which is why I pray with all my soul, that whoever invented the lethal mantra "happily ever after" died penniless, face down in the gutter, with cats, gnawing on his ears."

• Mary Shannon: [voice over] "I think my least favorite phrase in the human language is "I'm sorry". Nine times out of ten, when a person says they're sorry, they're really only sorry they got caught, and now want me to forgive them for something I'm still pissed off about. Which puts me in the unhappy position of either saying "Up yours!", and looking like a total bitch, or saying "I forgive you", and feeling like a total shmuck. And that's why I hate the phrase."

• “Perhaps the most difficult choices to make are the ones that deny us those things our heart wants most. Because as it’s been said, “Without reason nor prudence the heart wants what the heart wants. And more often than not it will not be denied.” Episode 1.09 — Mary Shannon Voice Over

• "If there’s one thing working in Witness Protection has taught me, it’s that people hate change. And we all say we want to change. Get thinner. Quit smoking. Learn to speak Portuguese. But we don’t. For better or worse, our habits define us. We turn the pages of the same tattered script over and over.” — Mary Shannon

• “I stare agape at Sunday-in-the-park couples. Sidewalk strollers, fingers laced, heads on shoulders, hearts laid bare. Audacious high-wire artists soaring netless. Oblivious or brave? 'Arrogant idiots,' I muse, from my spectator view, hoping no one hears the screaming inside my head.” Episode 1.10 — Mary Shannon Voice Over

• Mary: (Thinking to herself) People talk too much, people think too much. We're all village idiots enamored with our shadows, oblivious to the setting sun.

Lalala... title. (:

Highlights of my day:

• Museum.
• Kind people.
• Mother.
• Productivity.
• Nerding out with Susan about awesome TV shows.
• Wal-Mart guy ;)
• Failed jellyfish.
• RayWilliamJohnson/YouTube/Music.
• Lumpia.
• Funky directions.
• Easter Eggs.
• Uncle David.

I loved today. I really did. I was able to get so much work done. The museum is a place of so many things... like I don't even know what the appropriate expression/emotion to say when talking about what happened today. I mean, I know it's not really a big deal, but it really was something that made my day and just made me happy. A father of two kids found a dollar on the ground and walked up to my desk and reported this lost dollar.... you would expect most people to just keep it, but it was just nice seeing and knowing that people like that still exist. I don't know, maybe I'm just being extra weird, but whatever.

Ah! Before that awesome moment, this lady scared the crap out of me and I jumped soooo high. it was hilarious. She didn't mean to, but she was a super ninja and just came up out of no where. I laughed so hard when she was gone. (:

After work I went home and got organized because Natalie and Susan came over to work on our project. We didn't get it totally completed like I'd hoped, but it'll be finished on Tuesday. That's the plan at least. It was a lot of fun and I'm glad we were able to get so much done. My favorite part was probably when Susan freaked out about my DVD/TV show collection. She got so excited about the NCIS, 24, and House DVD's that we had. It was so funny and kinda awesome. Haha. And we went to wal-mart to buy supplies and I accidentally, maybe on purpose, made Natalie run into this super cute worker guy... xDDD It was awesome and she turned so red. Hahahaha. Ah... I'm sorry. xD After that we stocked up on chocolate and headed back to my house. We worked, ate, worked, talked, and went our separate ways. It's was all good stuff (:

After we dropped those girls home we bought some stuff and decorated eggs at our own home. Spent some quality time with one of my favorite uncles and now I'm blogging. Haha. Life's pretty good.

National Poetry Month.

Next by Dan Chiasson

If you can orbit the planet, why can't you see
what makes the human heart happy?
Is it art or is it sex?
Or is it, as I suspect, just keeping going

from next thing to next thing
to next thing to next thing
to next to next to next to next
pulsating stupidly to outlast time?

Notes to self...

Things I need to do in the next week so I don't have a mental break down....

• develop a study schedule biology
• find out when the biology seminars are
• talk to Ms. Jacobsen about my grade and getting it up to a damn A
• finish projects
• talk to Lloyd about work and crap
• figure out when the end of the quarter is
• answer the phone to anyone that calls... need to find out whether or not I got that scholarship...
• figure out what's up with e-folio

Things I need to do eventually otherwise I'll go insane...

• clean/de-clutter room&closet
• buy a bookcase&organize books
• bring up grades
• figure out what's up with e-folio
• talk to career counselor
• buy stuff for junior project (binder, folders, etc.)
• plan out and discuss poetry club

Stressors

• junior project
• ap exam
• ap biology
• grades
• messy room
• Wizard of Oz Tech
• MVCC scholarship
• time/nextyear/thisyear/ending/arghhh

Other stuff...

• join nhs, key club, and interact... actively participate
• get license
• apply for parking permit
• apply for job at the theatre
• golf/varsity/scholarship again
• obtain a laptop
• stay ahead of the game/procrastinate less

Suicide by books?

Alright, so here's what's up! It's spring break/weekend/whatever... and you know what I'm doing?! Projects! Work! And Studying! Yay?

FUCK.

Haha.

So when we're supposed to be enjoying our two days off of school, plus the weekend so 4 days... I, along with other AP biology students, will be working on 3 different projects. Two of which are due when we get back from break and one that is only much needed extra credit. And before you decide to judge me... NO, I did not procrastinate. Our biology teacher decided to dump all of this on us like two days ago. I've gotten little work done during the week because of other homework and stuff. Now it's the weekend/break and no homeworkkkkk.... to get in the way of doing biology. Lovely. Haha. Oh well, it's kind of typical, but I wish it weren't. xD

I have a plan for my weekend though, so hopefully it all works out how I hope. Here's the plan... and the stuff with question marks are questionable events and I don't know if it'll happen for sure or not yet. Then again, nothing is ever really set in stone.

Tomorrow:

• Museum morning shift [9:45am to 1pm]. Get to hang out with that cute Ole' married couple, Bob&Shirley (:
• Working on the group biology project [2pm to probably-all-day pm]. Stupid cladogram mobile that Natalie, Susan, and I intend to have finished tomorrow.
• Sleep... maybe. =/

Sunday:

• Easter! Family time? More projects/HW?
• I'll most likely end up working on/finishing my Pathogens Poster which I started today.
• Kels spending the night?

Monday:

• Hang with Madds and work on that other project... 3D model of a virus.
• When I get home I'd end up working on one of those stupid projects.
• Theatre tech?

Tuesday:

• Projects/HW?
• Movies?
• Rollerblading?
• Theatre tech?
• I honestly don't know what this day will be like. It's a Tuesday, so it'd better be good. xD

So that's my weekend/non-existent-break.

Oh and it's April! March has come and gone. Haha. A lot of things have changed and that's what time does. Nothing stays constant. I've learned that and keep forgetting that. Ummm... as a random little side note, my grades are kind of shit and it pisses me off. Those f*ckin' B's won't go back to A's. If my GPA gets below a 3.9 NOT because of AP bio... then I'm gonna be homicidal. JK. But seriously, I'm gonna be very unhappy for a very long time. It's ok if it's because of AP biology cuz that's AP BIOLOGY. Ugh. I'm not giving up this fight. My grades WILL be all A's except for the maybe bio.

Alright, so some other news. My good friend Natalie Shannon was beyond amazing with her solo at the choir concert last night. I wasn't there, but I knew she would be and there were so many people talking about her performance last night. I'm so proud of that girl and I love that she asked me on several occasions to help her out with her part. Now my other good, best, awesome friend Eric Jacobson BEASTED at the track meet last night. I tried to stay for his event, but couldn't. It's alright though because he was amazing like I said he would be! I wish he'd quit worrying because he is awesome. Haha. FIRST PLACE IN THE TWO MILE!!! His time was like 10.23! Can you do that?! Doubt it. Haha. He's hoping to break the school record by the end of the year and I'm rooting for him!

Hmmm... last night was just a pretty good night. I even got to talk to my super good friend Kyle Woo! Loveee that kid. Haha. I miss him so much. Sucks that he goes to KL cuz well... it's KL. xD JK. Seriously though, I haven't talked to him in like a year or maybe two. Probably more close to two years. He's a freaking genius still... Haha. He's been busy with school and band. AP calculus... ugh. Oh and I'm pretty sure he's varsity tennis. He's worried that Noyes will kill him next year though. Go Alex! Awh Kyle... hahahaha. Oh well. And even though I love this kid, I hate him sooo much. We were talking about computers or something because I want to get a laptop next year and he had to mention that he got a new computer. ALIENWARE. Lucky bastard. It's ok. I forgive you because we actually made contact.... even thought I had to be the one to initiate that conversation on Facebook. Hahaha.

Ah, and I think that might be all for now. All I can think of at least. So much goes on that I can't remember all of it. It feels like I'm missing a chunk of my life, but I think that might be due to sleep deprivation. Anyway, yeah. Life's iight. I guess I'll go and end this with a list of things that only certain people will understand, but will make me and who ever knows what I'm talking about smile. (:

• New MEAT!
• Laugh.
• Footsies.
• Squaids.
• Pathology ;)
• Eric Foreman.
• Casey... yeah, no.
• I'd take a bullet for you... xD
• Let's not acknowledge that.
• In-class boyfriend?!

Hey... those of you out there who know things that I might have forgotten on this list... please feel free to add. =D