Life is weird...

I gotta say, life is full of surprises and sometimes it's totally out of your hands. It's hard to deal with change sometimes, but change isn't all bad.

I'm worried about my grades. My 3.8 may be in danger, but hopefully hard work will pay off in the end. For some reason I'm just not understanding math. It's so hard and it's frustrating because I was so good at one point. I can promise this... my GPA ain't goin' down without a fight. (:

Golf... I need to practice, but it's winter... snowing. COLD. Haha. I'm trying to figure out some captain-y things I can do for next year. I've got some fundraising ideas and some ideas for team bonding. Like putter pool and hosting a tournament. Hopefully I can speak up and be heard. We'll see what happens. (:

Oh, and here's a bit of news.... I'm moving. I've had mixed feelings, but overall, this is good. It'll be fun. I get to start over, kind of. I mean, I'll still be going to Kentwood, but this seems like the kind of push I need to change a little. Boost my confidence a little more and stuff. I don't know. Time will tell I guess.

So thanksgiving is over, but there is never enough words in the world to express how grateful I am for the things in my life. I love my friends and family so much. I don't know what I'd do without them. They seem to make things better no matter what's going on with life. And my mom is my hero, but I don't know how to thank her. It's hard sometimes because we get into fights and all, but that's part of life I guess. I still love her no matter how loud I yell and she knows it, I hope. =P

All in all, life is weird, but good.

Golf Goals

So the first set of goals are the ones I made at the beginning of the year. I was able to achieve my first goal, my ultimate goal, and more! I didn't score into the 40's until my very last match which was the 2nd day of districts. It was totally worth it. I had never played at that course and still managed to par 4 holes, 3 on the back nine, plus a 46 on the back. And not only did I make varsity next year, but I lettered because I made it to the 2nd day of districts and I'm one of the two golf captains for next year!

Best golf season of my life and hopefully next year will be better.

3 Goals for Golf (to be achieved by the end of the season):

• Score in the 40's
• No more than 2 putts a hole
• No more than a double bogey on any hole

**Ultimate Goal: Make Varsity

3 Goals for Next Season:

• Score in the 40's consistently
• Medal in at least two matches
• Two putts & don't score over a double bogey

**Ultimate Goal: Make it to State

21 things to do before you're 21

The Things I Still Haven't Done:

3. Go skinny-dipping!
It's the most liberating thing ever. You have to let go of your insecurities when you take off your clothes. But you're hidden by the water — so it's like bending the rules. Who decided we have to wear clothes, anyway?

4. Save $1,000.
Just seeing that big number in your bank account is rewarding — knowing you did it alone.

6. Buy a lottery ticket.
But just one. Everyone should take one million-to-one shot in their lives — it's fun to dream such a big and outrageous dream.

9. Learn to drive a stick shift.
You never know when you'll get into a situation where you may need to know how. Plus, in terms of gas, these cars are better on your wallet.

10. Milk a cow.
I was terrified to do it, but conquering this small thing helped me do even bigger scary stuff.

11. Forgive someone.
A girl wrote "b****" on my locker when I was 16, and it always ate away at me inside. But when I made amends with her, the bad feelings evaporated.

12. Have your fortune told.
Sure, it's kind of silly. But doing it is really a reminder that in the end, only you hold the power to chart your own destiny.

15. Ride a horse.
Okay, it might sound cheesy, but when you connect with this animal and the wind blows through your hair, it's the closest feeling to real freedom.

18. Waitress at least once.
Serving someone is humbling, plus it teaches you how to communicate and multitask — two skills you'll use forever.

19. See one thing that is "the world's largest."
Even if it's just a frying pan — at least it can be your temporary claim to fame!

20. Leave the country.
Going to England, I realized how narrow my world really was — and that travel was the best way I could expand it.

21. Learn how to love your body.
I'm just now starting to feel perfect as I am because I have knobby knees and moles — not in spite of them.

Recipe of my Life

Ingredients:

• School/Grades
• Golfing
• Theatre
• Poetry
• Family
• Friends
• Web Design

School for about 6-7 hours.

Golfing for at least one hour.

Constantly on the computer.

The occasional poem.

Family bonding.

Friends and skype.

Getting paid to be in a place I love, the theatre.

Top Choices: Syracuse U. & San Diego State U.

It's the end of the first quarter of my Junior year...

I was able to accomplish so much with golf and school.

My grades are decent and will be better by the end of the semester.

I have no missing assignments and hopefully I can keep it that way.

I still have to register for the SATs and get my job shadowing figured out.

Work on my junior project... procrastination is my worst enemy...

&I realize that I don't need clubs like NHS or Key Club to be successful.

However, I would like to get my poetry club figured out and running.

I need to get my license to make things easier on myself and my parents.

I plan to apply for the City of Kent Internship in the winter...

I need to put my resume and cover letter together.

Start working on getting the MVCC scholarship this year.

I seriously need to call CAA for conference calls number 2 and 3...

Planning an SAT study group and the museum trip is necessary as well.

"You can have everything,

but not all at once."

Fearless. Firework.

Last night was the golf banquet and it turns out that by advancing onto the second day of districts I've earned a Varsity letter for golf! I was so happy and surprised that I was crying. It was amazing. And on top of that... I am one of the two captains of the golf team next year! I'm stoked. Life is pretty good. Now I just have to get my grades up to par and I'll be set... like how I used a golf term? Haha, yeah... I'm cool (:

Things I have to do:

• Bring up grades.
• Register for the SAT's
• Get license
• Fill out paper work for technician job
• Work out job shadow(s)
• Get my resume and cover letter together
• Apply for the City of Kent internship
• Get MVCC Junior Golf Scholarship
• Make CAA conference calls #2&3
• Make Website for "Rebecca Sharp Designs"
• Poetry club?
• Figure out golf practice plan w/Dillon.
• Plan SAT study group
• Plan museum field trip
• Fill out paperwork for the DeVry field trip

Responsibilities:

1. School
• Grades
• AP Exams
• SAT's
• Junior Project
• Study Groups
2. Golf Captain
3. Theatre tech.
4. House work

My Brain.

• Do math test corrections
• Prepare/finish Gatsby Speech
• Finish application for tech. at district office
• e-mail beth
• prepare for poetry club
• plan golf exercises
• work out schedule
• clean room/organize/vacuum
• get license
• study, study, study
• buy rubberbands & binders
• create website for mrs. sharp
• work on junior project
• SAT prep. ACT?
• call caa 2&3
• assemble resume and apply for city of kent internship
• mvcc scholarship
• fearless jones and prewrite

The Greatest Game Ever Played.

I realized that I had totally forgotten to finish up my last post. Haha. I apologize dearly. (:

I had a crazy, but completely awesome/amazing week. Monday and Tuesday were pretty average, but Wednesday and Thursday were the best! Wednesday was the districts medalist tournament and I played pretty well. Shot a 103! 50 on the front and 53 on the back. I didn't plan on making it onto the next day, but I made the cut! The cut off score was 105 and I ranked 49th. Then on Thursday it was amazing! I got four pars, one on the front and three on the back. And on the back 9 I shot 46! I finally broke 50 and it was the best day to do it with a freaking 46! You have no idea how happy I was. I almost cried! I shot an even 100 that day and ranked 46 (: I didn't get to advance to state, but I don't care because I did my best! I ended the season so well! Now I have to keep practicing and get lessons. Then hopefully I make varsity next year and get to go on to state! ;D

My parents let me skip school on Friday to get homework done, so I gotta make sure it's all done by today. Haha. Bye for now! :D

Ups & Downs.

Warning: Bitch on her period.

Hahaha. Alright, now that that is out of the way you can assume that I'm pretty hormonally/emotionally imbalanced. Like I feel like crying because I'm so happy to have such amazing friends and then there are times where I can't decide whether I really hate my mother or really love her. It's hard. It really is. Harder than you will ever know or understand, so please don't try and don't judge me like most people would. I do feel bad about doing certain things and feeling particular things toward people. Thus, at the end of this blog will be a list. A list of vows, revelations, and resolutions. I feel like making a shit load of lists lately. It's super funny because I just realized that whenever that time of the month comes my mirror because covered with my lists. There so much I want to say and want to get out of my head, but since everything is just crammed in there, I guarantee it'll just pour out. There may or may not be any order to my madness, so just bare with me. (:

Golf has become a super important part of my life! I realize that whenever I am on the verge of a mental breakdown I feel so much better after practice. It's so much more than just swinging a club and hitting a ball that doesn't move. It's about training yourself to work under unusual circumstances and pressure sometimes. It's about learning to let go and get on with the rest of the game. And if you think about it, it's a lot like life. Sometimes you just have to let go and move on. Thus, golf isn't just a game. It's practically my life. At tryouts I was shooting lower 60's and upper 50's. Throughout the season I've averaged around the mid-50's which is a major improvement from last year. Last year I was hitting in the upper to mid 60's. Last year I was mostly JV #3 and didn't do very well at the JV Tournament. This year I've been moved up to mostly JV#2 AND I tied for 5th at the JV Tourney out of the 24 girls competing with a 109 (shot 55 on the front nine and 54 on the back)!!! The top 6 in the tourney get to go on to districts with their varsity team... so I basically made it to districts! I'm so happy! Like I don't think I'll make it past districts and onto state, but the fact that I made it is all that really matters to me! I plan to practice so much more than I usually have during the off season. Plus I'll be getting lessons, so I'm pretty stoked.

**Gotta shower... write more latez ;D

Life & It's Chapters.

I was talking about goals with my golf partner yesterday, so I decided to list some goals I had for the year... I think I'm going to separate this into catagories, haha. This is sort of me thinking outloud, so to speak. =P

---

Golf

I had a pretty good day of golf yesterday. I'm super happy to have been in my JV#3 spot, but after yesterday I've been bumped up to #2! So I'll be playing JV2 in the match on Thursday against Kentlake... I'm hoping to play better and keep my spot and maybe move up again. I'm going to get signed up for lessons soon by the pro at Druids Glen. It's going to cost, but it'll be totally worth it if I achieve my goals and make varsity!

3 Goals for Golf (to be achieved by the end of the season):

• Score in the 40's
• No more than 2 putts a hole
• No more than a double bogey on any hole

**Ultimate Goal: Make Varsity

---

School

I think I'm finally all caught up with my classes. I just need to work on my time management so that I can keep up with my classes with everything else going on. A friend of mine who is pretty much taking the same classes with me dropped golf because she couldn't handle everything. I really don't want to drop anything, so I'm pretty determined to survive :P

Goals:

• Straight A's
• No late or missing assignments
• Score 5's on my AP exams
• Score 2000+ on my SAT's

**Ultimate Goal: Maintain 3.8 GPA

---

Extracurricular

There's a lot of other things I have planned to do during the year. I have to go to clubs like Key club which means I have to do a lot of community service hours. I guess it won't be too bad though because I have a lot from theatre and the museum. Plus it'll help with the Junior Project. I also want to start my poetry club (P.O.E.T.'s People of Expressive Talents). It'll be a monthly thing because I don't have much time. It's mainly a club meant to provide resources and feedback for poetry and stuff. I don't know. I'll be done with my museum commitment in January, so I won't have to deal with that for very long. And I have every intention applying for this City of Kent internship where I'll be paid minimum wage for up to 100 hours. Hopefully it'll lead to another job, but if it doesn't then I don't really care because I'm honestly not sure how well I'll be able to balance everything.

Goals:

• Start a successful poetry club
• Apply for internship during winter quarter
• Work lights for Fall and Spring plays
• Regularly attend Key Club and NHS; maybe Interact

---

So some other things I've got to think about and plan to do are try to get some sort of job shadowing gig with an advertising/graphics design firm. This is mostly for the Junior Project, but at the same time I really want to know what it'd be like working at one of them. Oh and Madds talked to me about going to Europe this summer with a group of other students and teachers. I really hope my parents approve, but I want to be able to pay most of my way to Europe. It'll be able $5000 and if I do the internship I'll be able to make at least $800. Then I will be doing a lot of fundraising types of things. I'm just not sure if I'll be able to come up with all that money... Alright, so I'm exhausted. I started working on this entry in Web Design first period, but could get back to it til way later... obviously. Haha.

Don't Want An Ending - Sam Tsui.

Go Conks!

Alright, I know how stupid this may sound, but I have conquered my first week of school! Haha. I have an excellent life with excellent people to share it with.

Accomplishments thus far:

• Fixed my schedule - Web Design, AP US History, Physics, French, Pre-Calc./Trig., AP English Language and Composition... lovin' it!
• Caught up in most of my classes - aced first physics test!
• Enjoyin' my classes and on good terms with my teachers.
• I'm on the golf team again! Woot!
• I think I'm finally done with my room. It's pretty awesome. - Vintage Metal Elvis Presley poster and whiteboard calendar + cork board!

Summer Accomplishments:

• Sat on a roof & saw a sunset
• Backstreet Boys concert
• Seafood City + Chowking
• Golf camp --> tryouts --> team!
• California, Little League World Series!
• Oregon -- Shopping in Portland
• Minnesota roadtrip
• Room remodeled
• Cirque Du Solei
• Haircut...

I can't think of any other summer accomplishments and I'm pretty sure there was a lot more that happened. Haha. Anyway, my goal for this weekend is to be completely caught up and finished with history.

With school and everything going on, I don't think I'll be able to blog so often because I just won't have the time and energy. Right now I'm taking the time I should be reading for history to blog because I miss blogging that much to make the sacrifice. Haha. Seriously thought, I've been so busy and it's only going to get worse. I still have to find the time to go to the Puyallup Fair with the gang. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself... pile on the work, but it's fun for me I guess. Unless I get super behind and stressed out. That's not so fun and that is why I try to stay ahead at all times. That's just how it goes.

Right now I have to worry about my classes and golf. Next Monday is the first Key Club meeting and next Saturday is a mandatory museum training thing for volunteers. I've got another training day on October 2nd and then I have to schedule my Saturday's to volunteer in the morning. I'm planning to join Interact Club and NHS this year too. I'm even thinking about starting a poetry club. Then after golf season I might apply for a paid internship with the City of Kent. All the while I must study for the SAT's and work on my Junior Project. Oh and I almost forgot about working on the plays and stuff! Fall and spring plays! Way back in my mind I'm thinking ughhh... and then there's a voice screaming BRING IT ON! Hahaha. We'll see what happens.

Priorities:

• School - AP, SAT, Junior Project,
• Clubs (Key, NHS, Interact, Poetry), Theatre!
• Golf - Lessons, Practice, Matches, Varsity?
• Museum
• Internship?
• GET LICENSED!

Wish me luck?

P.S. I love making lists!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1p74Isbcgc

Here's to a new beginning...

I want to blog,

but I don't know

how to start this entry!

Hahaha, ok, so now that that is out of the way. (: I don't know if I can really express this feeling I've got inside of me right now. I'm just happy with life. It's one of those things where if I were to die today, I'd be ok with how my life has been lived and I'd be accepting. I'm not really ready to die though... I'm just saying that. Um, yeah. :D

The roadtrip to Minnesota was amazing! On the way there, our time there, and not so much on the way home, but it felt amazing to be home! Here's what happened:

• Idaho - Silverwood Theme Park!
• Montana - Broke down... -.-
• Wyoming - Yellowstone + Old Faithful!
• South Dakota - Mount Rushmore + Bear Country USA!
• Minnesota! First night - awesome game of cribbage
• Minnesota! Day 1 - Valley Fair!
• Day 2 - Mall of America!
• Day 3 - Twins game!!! They won! &I was on the big screen twice! (:

Oh! And I bought this awesome vintage metal Elvis Presley poster! It's amazing and hanging up in my room now... so yeah... I think that might've been one of the best vacations I've ever had. Now I'm back in Washington which means back to school... like for real. Haha. Today was pretty good though, I'm not gonna lie, I really enjoyed it. I think I'm going to like my classes and teachers a lot. Funny thing happened today though... I got four textbooks and they wouldn't fit in my backpack, so I took everything else out to carry and put all my books in there. Well, by the end of the day... I backpack broke. Haha. It was ridiculous, but I've been needing a new one anyway. Speaking of school, I really should get back to my history homework, so I think I'll come back later and blab some more about random stuff.

Peace. ☮

P.S. I made the golf team! :D

Starstrukk.

This month has been ridiculous... like in a good way.
Ridiculously awesome, I guess.

We went shopping for school clothes in Portland two weekends ago. I think it's kind of funny, but really cool that I could kind of tell how I've changed over the years. Elementary school I wore nothing but sweats and sweatshirts. Then in middle school I always wore jeans and refused to be girly like. Now I've cleared my closet out and replaced all my more boyish clothes with new girl-ier clothes. I'm not saying that I've become girly... I'm just embracing the fact that I am a girl. I'm still not into the whole make up scene, but I love fixing my hair and stuff when I'm not too lazy to care about my hair that is. Haha. I don't think that'll ever change (:

After we got back from Portland I watched some pretty amazing movies (Antwone Fisher. Love Happens. & Jerry Maguire.) and just relaxed. Some personal me time/down time. (: Then I got together with some pretty cool people and went to the zoo! Saw some adorable meerkats and penguins. Then we pretty much chilled on some historic cannon thing. It was amazing. We went over to Brian's and watched Tropic Thunder and half of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Hahaha. Pretty good stuff!

Just this last weekend (from the 11th to 15th), my family and I were in California. San Bernardino to be exact, but it was along drive there and back. 40+ hours total, there and back. It was totally worth it though. I got to drive 100 miles there and I enjoyed looking at the mountains and the change of scenery. We were in Cali to support my uncle and cousin. In the beginning of August they won the title of Washington State Little League Champions. They went to compete in the NW Regional World Series and won. Both the semifinal and final game's were televised and I was on TV... haha. ESPN2, but now they game is on espn3.com. You should check it out if you can find it! Anyway, they're probably in Pennsylvania now. They're in the World Series and ever game is televised! I'm so proud of them and this is just a dream... so surreal, but amazing. Shout out to my Uncle Kai Nahaku who is the team manager and my cousin Ikaika Nahaku #7! Best of luck! I'll be cheering you guys on.

Now I'm just sitting in my living room with my grandfather watching Poker. Haha. Gotta recharge for another crazy two weeks. I've gotta finish laundry and cleaning up the RV for our trip. Then I'll be going to the movies with some of my besties, Madds & Kels & whoever else. We're gonna see Vampire Sucks which should be hilarious. On Sunday I'm gonna try and go to Wild Waves with some more awesome people (Madds, Brian, Danny, and Danny's girl). Golf tryouts next Tuesday and Wednesday. Last, but not least, MINNESOTA ROADTRIP with the family and Kels! (: I'm so stoked.

Then it'll be back to school, but I'm hoping things will be different because I feel different. I feel changed in a way. Hopefully in a good way, but I think that's all a matter of opinion. I'm still stressing about life and the future, but I'm confident and believe in things that most people wouldn't have faith in I guess. I try to be optimistic, but I keep forgetting about reality. You can't have everything and sometimes life is about compromise, but no matter what, I will strive to be happy because... I just want a happy life. I don't know. I'll have to think about that one more and get back to you on that.

Talk to You Latez.
Good Night!

Rants&Ramblings. Notes to Self:

• Advertising
• Public Relations Specialist
• Mass Communications
• Desktop Publishing
• Graphic/Web Design
• Paralegal

Random List of Fave TV Shows: Haven, Psych, Leverage, Burn Notice, Harper's Island, Supernatural, Scoundrels, Community, Royal Pains, The Gates
There's a lot more, but these are the ones I've been watching lately.

Minnesota Roadtrip from Aug. 25th to Sept. 5th:

• Silverwood Theme in Idaho
• Ghost Town in Montana
• Yellowstone National Park in Montana
• Devils Tower in Wyoming
• Crazy Horse Memorial in South Dakota
• Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota
• Wall Drug Store in South Dakota
• Corn Palace in South Dakota
• Mall of America in Minnesota
• Roller Coaster Park in Minnesota

Plus visiting the Frazier family (: Gonna be fun!

Old

I live by, "Carpe Diem," which means to seize the day. Interpret that however you'd like, but honestly, I wouldn't care. You live your own life and I'll live mine. I try to live my life without letting anything get me down. Which means I try to avoid drama as much as I can… it's just not my thing. If you try to suck me into your world of drama, then I'll just walk away, unless you're a good friend. Then you know I'll always have your back.

I'm not here to make any enemies.

I'm just here to live the life I was given.

I live a pretty honest life. I live a life of trust and fullness. There is nothing weighing me down. There are no grey clouds blocking the visions of my dreams. I have had my share of regrets, but I've learned from my mistakes so I'm not regretting them so much now. I'm still growing up and I'm still learning, so I apologize in advance for whatever mistakes I make.

Sh*t happens.

We just have to learn how to forgive and move on...

Deep in thought...

After hours, days, weeks, and probably even months of stressing over life I think I'm really starting to get used to it. I realized that I wouldn't be anything without my family, but I also realize that I can't depend on them all the time. I need to start depending on myself to step up and speak up more than anything. I'm tired of being so afraid to go out because I might run into someone or see someone I know or know of... I'm not sure why I don't like running into people in public places I just don't. I think it's that I'm caught off guard when seeing certain people I don't expect to see and as a result I just don't know how to react when seeing said person/people.

I've improved as a person, but as life goes on... things keep changing. Things I once thought were one thing turn out to be something totally different. My opinions have changed and my choice of life style/college life/study habits... etc, have changed so much. Lately I've been thinking about the future, so I'm going to stop dwelling in the past unless to learn from a previous mistake.

I'm not sure how my life will turn out, but I think I have a good idea of what I want and how I might get there. When talking about college and career's, I've been pushed and shoved in so many directions. My mind is constantly being filled with ideas and influenced by the slightest remarks. Like once I think I have my heart set on something, someone I respect like a close teacher or family says something about negative about my choice or suggests something else that I should do and I go into this whole cycle all over again. I've finally realized that others say things and will try to sway you to go a certain way, but they don't know me as well as I know myself and I am the only person that knows what I truly want.

Example... theatre tech, design, and lighting. For a while I was unsure about the idea during freshman year, then I thought it was my calling towards the beginning of sophmore year. Then I started getting into it a little more and realized that it just wasn't for me. I mean I still like helping out with the theatre, but I just couldn't see myself really doing it for the rest of my life or anything. And now coming into my Junior year I have yet again changed my mind, but this time I think I've found something I really want to do.

Moral of the story is... follow your heart. I mean, there's a lot more to it, but that's the basic message to my story here. Haha... so yeah. I don't know. I really want to write more, but I'm too tired.

So, I have a few secrets...
I'm a sap for romantic comedies and love stories in general.
I have a secret crush on the Backstreet Boys... concert tonight was fun (:
The people that truly inspire me are my mom&dad, Tita Liza, and Tita Cathy.
I owe my mom so much and need to show my appreciation better...
I love staying up until 2am, but I like waking up at 6am and not feeling tired :P

Good night.

Happily ever after?

I want to fall in love... I want to say that I want to fall in love again, but I'm not sure if or when I was ever in love. I want to fall into whatever it is that you fall into to feel that quickening of the heart and fluttering in your tummy when you see that person that causes these things to happen in the first place. I'm not so sure if that's love, but it's a good feeling while it lasts. I'm not sure I want to fall in love until after high school... maybe after college or during college. I don't know. I don't know how to balance a relationship with school and family matters and friends and just life. I'm not sure when I'll ever be able to balance these variables of life. Maybe that's what life is all about. Maybe not. I keep saying "That's life," but that's just something to say when really you don't know what it is or maybe I don't even know what life is or was to begin with.

I keep trying to think of a time when things were easy and simple, but in a weird reality there was never a time like this. If you really think about it... I don't think anything is or ever was easy and simply. And I'm just speaking about life in general. There were times where you may have been ignorant or just plain oblivious of life, but that doesn't stop life from being complicated and difficult. You just weren't aware of it or just didn't care. I think that eventually that all catches up with you eventually and there is a time or will be a time where you just have to wake up from whatever dream you've been living in and own up to reality. You could call it growing up or becoming mature and what not, but in all reality, that's just life. So you know what I say? Get off your ass and deal with the reality of life because it's not going just wait for you catch up. You've gotta get your act together and get ahead of the game of life because the way I see it... once you've caught up with life and taken the lead... that's when things start to get easier and maybe more simple. So wake up, work hard, and enjoy life because you've only got this one life to live.

The End.

Quotes.

"Sometimes I wonder if love is worth fighting for. Then I think of you, and I am ready for war."

"If someone loves you enough, they'll fight for you through anything."

"I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live." -- Bettie Page

"Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional." -- Roger Crawford

"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." -- Albert Einstein

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." -- Randy Pausch

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -- Ambrose Redmoon

Oh Darling.

Wow, so much has happened. All good things of course. Haha. I've been keeping busy... and I've been able to scratch things off my summer list (:

This was an amazing weekend. My grandfather's 61st birthday. Oh how I love that man. Family came over. I played with the kids. Watched the grown ups play poker and stayed up til 4:25AM with them. Then I woke up at 2PM and we all went to eat PHO cuz they were still at our house. Haha. After that we went back home along with the rest of the fam... I took another nap for two hours lol. The adults were playing craps and I got to roll a few times for my dad. My dad won... haha. It was awesome. Then we went and watched Despicable Me... cutest movie ever!

I just got done with the first day of a golf clinic down at Druids Glen. I've decided that I wanna take lessons there with the PGA pro. She's really nice and just after an hour and a half I've learned so much and improved a ton. My dad is going to get me signed up for lessons as soon as he gets back from Portland.

Alright, so I've got a car... I just need my license. It'll happen real soon, so I'm not worried about that. I was talking to my dad and I'll have my Mini by the time I'm 18. I don't mind it. I'm happy with what ever. A Mini Cooper was just a dream car type of thing and I never expected to get it in the first place.

Okie dokie then... I guess that's all for now except for a quick list of things to come and pictures of my new room (:

Things to come:

• More golfing...
• Camping this weekend
• Hanging out with Madds?
• Mariners game!
• Golf tourney
• Parents anniversary
• Job shadowing
• Internship
• College plans

What you don't see in the pictures of my bedroom... glow in the dark stars above the clouds that I added after I took the picture... & my wall of dreams/goals (:

Disney.

So we're broke. My parents spent our money on a pointless RV... plus we don't even get to use it for 4th of July camping because it isn't licensed which means we pretty much aren't camping this year for the first time in so long. I'm so bummed. I hate this so much. But whatever. Brian is going to be at Lake Meridian on the 4th, so hopefully I can convince my parents to go there and we can chill or something.

I still need to finish my bedroom... it's been postponed for a couple days. Haha. I need to buy more tape and maybe more darker paint. I'm hoping to get it done real soon.

Once I get my room finished and computer hooked up again I'll clean out my desktop. Then I'll start on that online store my dad has.

I'm kind of hoping to hang out with Madds and Brian next week. Maybe go golfing or something. I'm gonna start working out with my mother. She's entering a triathalon with my aunts. She needs to get into shape fast... I'm worried, but whatever.

Some new goals and things I want to do:

• lightsaber fight at night
• white water rafting
• rock climbing

High as a kite...

Hahahaha. Alright... so painting all day... I think it was a bad idea to close the door and window. xD I'm bummed out that Brian couldn't come over, but Madds & I still had tons of fun. I cannot wait for tomorrow! Hanging out at Brian's how then midnight premiere of Eclipse. I'm not a crazy Twilight fan, but I think it'll be fun.

Stupid Heart.

I feel you there and feel your hair.
I hope to catch at least one stare.

Blah. Sad attempt at poetry. Haha. I'm at a loss for words. I'm just too busy to write. I'm working on getting my room finished. I'm actually thinking that this might be the best summer of my life. A lot of things have been getting done and I'm happy for it. My room should be finished this week. We start painting tomorrow. We being Maddie, Brian, and I. Maybe Danny. I'm excited. I've been spending so much time with them and I kind of love it. Haha. We made root beer floats cuz Madds just had her wisdom teeth pulled out.

I still need to hang out with Susan and have that TV show marathon. And chill with Kels and watch some Supernatural and shizzz. Haha. Oh and I've gotta talk to Natalie about that job... if that falls through I can talk to Ms. Lloyd. So it's all good. I'm hoping to get my license real soon. My dad says I need more practice and I don't doubt it. So I'll be taking the test whenever he thinks I'm ready because I trust him.

Things have been real good. Like I haven't been extremely lazy and I've been getting along well with my family and friends and stuff. I'm learning to balance things and stuff. I'm doing a lot of things that I haven't done before. Like on Tuesday we're going hang out at Brian's. The plan is to sit on his roof and watch the sunset and in order to get on his roof we'd need to climb a tree... that's three things I'll be able to cross off my bucket list. I'm pretty happy about that. Haha. And I'll be able to cross off renovating my room. I'm not sure what my next project will be after that... I probably wanna try and get my license asap. That way it'll be easier to go golfing that way I don't have to wait on my dad and stuff. Cuz I really need to get some practice in and start my lessons. Then I think I'll try to get our [Dad&I] online shop up and running.

So let's see... what needs to get done...

• Bedroom renovation
• License
• Online store
• Golf/Lessons
• Dig up fence posts/design&start garden
• Get a job

Other upcoming thingsssss...

• Painting tomorrow
• Brian's on Tuesday & Midnight Premiere of Eclipse w/Madds & co.
• Chill with Madds on Wednesday... maybe finish up room
• Camping Thursday thru Sunday
• 4th of July fireworks!
• Movie group date w/Madds

Room Remodel.

I am so excited to paint my room. I'm going to move around the furniture and try to give myself more space in my tiny bedroom. I plan to paint all but the wall opposite of my window a lightish sky blue... then paint the remaining wall a darker navy type blue. This, I have recently learned, is considered an accent wall (: Kind of like Nikki & Kelso's walls... I actually wanted to use shades of green to be more original, but I figured blue would go better with my carpet which I now kind of wish was black. Hahaha. Anyway, I'm going to have a lime or neon green type paint and have a line towards the top go all the way around my room. I'm probably going to have little designs and stuff within that line as well

Originally I wanted to paint my ceiling black and put glow in the dark stars on it, but my dad didn't approve... now I'm having this conversation with an old buddy and I want to paint the inside of my closet black and put glow in the dark stars everywhere inside.... I'll ask my dad about it when he gets back from Denver xD Wish me luck? lol

Funny conversation w/old bestie Dakota...

I kinda feel bad for my aunt who is probably recieving a ton of notifications. xD

Mystery Biker Guy.

I don't know you
but I want to.
I watch you riding
no use in hiding.

I know it's a little weird, but there's this guy that goes out on his dirt bike in the tracks across the street... I'm tempted to talk to him. He was there yesterday and kept looking over. He looked as though he wanted to cross the street, but Brian was there. Today I was riding the quad on my own while Madds & Brian were off somewhere. This Mystery Biker made it half way across and looked my way. He nodded and waved... so I waved back. Then he left and thank God he did because the quad shut down on me. Haha. Something inside was kind of hoping he was still there. Then he could've maybe helped me start it up again. But that's just another fantasy within this one. Oh Mystery Biker Guy, I wish to get to know you. Please don't be an old scary creepy serial killer. Haha. (:

What? A girl can dream...

Week of Awesome(ness).

Today:

• Hang with Maddie, Brian, Danny, &Megan at Noon.
• Quad riding, guitar hero, &twister!
• Then go to Maddie's Summer League game at 6PM.

Tomorrow:

• Toy Story 3 w/Mom&Sister

Friday:

• Wish Madds luck with her surgery
• Mall w/ Kels&Croce?

Saturday:

• Museum

Sunday:

• Go to Maddie's w/Brian&Danny.
• Bring root beer, vanilla ice cream, and Leap Year. (:

Monday:

• Relax. Clean. Get room ready to paint.

Tuesday:

• Hang w/Maddie, Brian, &Jerame.
• Midnight premiere of Eclipse.
• Madds spend the night.

Summer 2010.

This is by far the best summer of my life so far. I feel like it's actually pretty productive and fun at the same time. I'm keeping myself busy and still I'm having a lot of fun and relaxing time and stufffff. Hahaha. I've got some goals and stuff and there are a lot of things I've done already with my friends and family.

Already done:

• Sleeping in until 10AM
• Learned to how to grill
• Cirque Du Solei Kooza
• Made brownies
• Quad riding
• Ran around on the streets
• Modern Warfare
• Adventures!
• Played in the dirt.
• Hung out with Maddie & Brian & Danny...
• Saw Saving Private Ryan

Goals:

• Get license.
• Paint/remodel room (w/Madds&Brian?)
• Start website w/Dad.
• Get a job (w/Natalie?)
• Design garden.
• Dig up fence posts.
• Have a summer fling?
• Camping with Madds, Danny, & Brian?
• Climb a tree & sit on a rooftop. (Soon, w/Maddie&Brian)
• Build a treehouse and burn it down (Brian's idea, lol)

Bucket list (: http://www.theburiedlife.com/profile/745335494/

greatest dream for where you want your life to go? job,family the whole shebang

I want my life to be a happy one. I want to get through college with a PhD... then travel the world. I want a career I love and become successful. Then meet the man of my dreams and have a kid or two. All while donating books and money to those who need it. Help homeless youth and help youth in general/every way. I don't know... I think life is full of wants and needs, but not enough time.

Ask me a question... I'll give you an answer.

Advertising. College... future.

Alright, so I know I've changed my mind about so many thing when it come to my future, but I think I've finally found my calling.

I was thinking about becoming an archivist because they keep record of things and catalog artifacts. I even heard they got to put together exhibits. And I thought, "hey, I'm organized and stuff... I think I'd be good at this." Then I realized that the only part I might've actually enjoyed was the rare occasion to create a presentation of some sort. I don't want to do something just because I'm good at it. I want to do something that I will enjoy and maybe even fall in love with. I want to be able to be really good at something and have fun doing it. That's when I realized that I'm not THAT into history and crap. I want to do more art stuff and put together presentations and posters and all the stuff that going into advertising art will allow me.

I want to study advertising and marketing and business and stuff so that I can eventually get into the advertising business. Becoming an Advertising/Promotions Manager is kind of a new dream for me.

Dream school = Boston University (:

Plan? Major in Advertising or Business Administration/Management or Marketing or Graphic Design... Double major and minor... get a PhD...

Shaft _____ ;)

Pretty Bad Ass Day.

Still celebrating 16 years of life.

Woke up. Skipped school.

Saw A-Team, then Karate Kid.

Starbucks afterward.

Grande Caramel Double

Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino.

No coffee in about a month...!

Home... made plans with friends, sort of.

Store to buy supplies.

Bought UNO & Inglorius Basterds.

Madds & Catherine came over.

Played UNO. Had Balloon Fight.

Watched Community&HowIMetYourMother.

Brian finally came over.

Ate food/nachos and other random shiz.

Started watching the Hangover.

Didn't finish/stopped in the middle.

Played a weird game with my DVD's!

Shaft Wanted! Shaaaaaft. Nuff' said.

Started watching Zombieland.

Again we didn't finish it.

Went out to the bon fire for a little.

Talked about stuff, stuff, and stuff.

Nerded out about Runescape!

Went on YouTube!

Fin.

Haha. That was my day.

Well, after we dropped everyone home...

I cleaned up a little bit.

Then watched Inglorius Basterds w/Padre

&played UNO with Padre and seester. (:

I love friends & family.

Good night. ♥

(P.S. We were able to successful pants Brian.

Twice. :D)

Sweet & Sour (Not so much...)

Best day ever.

16 at last.

Balloons. Food. & Laughs galore.

♥Family so much. Tears of happiness.

Apologizes and amazing group members.

Dinner at Sea Garden. Then Baskin Robbins!

Watermelon, limited time flavor = favorite!

Phone call. Screams & Tears & Joy!

1st Place for Teen Division Poetry Contest. (:

Day One of Sweet Sixteen

was a blast!

Tomorrow's agenda:

• Skippin' school!
• Spend time with fam!
• A-Team then sneak into Karate Kid!!
• Hair cut?!
• Hang with friends!

George Michaels.

Highlights:

• 2 days til 16th birthday.
• Madds is back from Rhode Island & brought me back chocolate lobsters! (:
• Jacobsen thinks I've taken a web design class before when in fact I am just naturally awesome at coding. xD
• Natalie Shannon and her amazing summer job opportunity. $$$ ;D
• 100% on last ISN check. ^_^
• Crazy friend, Amrit! 0.o
• Dad fixed ipod! =D
• Productive day................ @(^_^)@ <-- Monkey. lol.

Downers:

• Stupid counselors.
• Super undecided. Yearbook vs. Tech.
• English group... mainly one person. Awful guilt trip. Made me hate myself.
• Bitchy CWI teacher.

This weeks agenda:

• Tomorrow: school, CWI religion test, COMPASS test after school.
• Thursday: Birthday (: moving up assembly... bye, bye Sen10rs :(
• Friday: Skipping school! Going to see the A-Team with my family and then sneak into the Karate Kid with'em. Haha. Then maybe go out to eat at Sea Garden. For my birthday (:
• Saturday: Roller blading maybe with friends or something fun. Then dinner at some apparently awesome buffet with the rest of my family. Haha.
• Sunday: Study, study, project, eat, study, sleep. Hahahaha. That's life!

It's gonna be a good week (:

Sam Tsui.

Yeah, I'd have to say that this has been one of the best weekends ever!

First off, Kelsey and I saw Edward Norton on Friday at the Egyptian Theatre in Seattle for SIFF (Seattle International? Film Festival). We were in the second row (: He was accepting an award for Outstanding Actor. We saw his latest film Leaves of Grass and it was great! (: Doesn't actually come out til July 2nd... :D

The next day we ate some pho as always. We went to my grandmas after we dropped off Kels. My family and I were all singing Karaoke to a bunch of old people at the home. Hahaha. It was pretty amazing. My favorite song to sing with them was Can You Feel the Love Tonight? You can picture it and just imagine what you will... lol.

Afterwards my dad, sister, and I went to my cousins baseball game. Words can't describe how blissfully happy I was to be there. They didn't win, but it was a great match. They were undefeated in their league and were literally playing kids outside their league yesterday. They did awesome.

Now it's Sunday and school is tomorrow and I'm fearless. (: I ate my mom's awesome spaghetti this morning for a brunch type of thing. Then I did a lot of school work. Just about finished with my project due tomorrow. I'm glad. And I've decided to start doing scholarship contests and stuff like that. I literally just got out of the hot tub 5 minutes ago, so I've gotta go shower. Then I'll be going to see Killers with me padre. I'm excited. I love life at the moment.

Oh and I've stopped with the stupid AF thing. I was an idiot and I'm done with whatever phase I'd been going through. I'm in love with a great guy, but well... that's a different story. Bye for now.

Listen to Sam Tsui's cover of Unwell by Matchbox 20...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WAlRcxSjCw

GRO♥

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
-- Emily Dickinson

Learning by Green River Ordinance

If I could be just what you need

Maybe we'd be better off

Different lives and different dreams

Calling out from underneath

Any thought'll be alright

If I could turn this car around

Only drive into the flames

All the things that we've burned down

Wonder which one will remain

Please take your time

Just do this for me

Let me be the one you run to

For the rest of your life

I'd give up everything to show you

To show you there's still time

I could be the one you run to

For the rest of your life

i'm still learning how to love you

You are the only one that's worth the fight

I wish you'd learn to let this go

Lay your troubles down on me

Give me one more chance to show

I'll be all you'll ever need

Please take your time

Just do this for me

Let me be the one you run to

For the rest of your life

I'd give up everything to show you

To show you there's still time

I could be the one you run to

For the rest of your life

i'm still learning how to love you

You are the only one that's worth the fight

Don't hold your heart too long

You'll find yourself alone

You've got time

We've got time

Let me be the one you run to

For the rest of your life

I'd give up everything to show you

To show you there's still time

I could be the one you run to

For the rest of your life

i'm still learning how to love you

i'm still learning how to love you

Let me be the one you run to

I could be the one you run to

Let me be the one you run to

For the rest of your life

i'm still learning how to love you

You are the only one that's

worth the fight

burning up inside.

I kind of hate myself on all kinds of levels today. I just don't know. I'm so close to tears, but I don't want to cry because I don't want that feeling of weakness and defeat right now. Even thought I know I've been beated and defeated. I feel like such an awful person and I was just really stupid today. I don't want to leave my room because I know what I did was stupid and shit and I don't want to face them. I just hate myself and today in general. I don't know what to do about it right now. I wish I'd stop being so stupid.

• AF. Stupid bastard.
• Stupid cards.
• Stupid windows movie player.
• Stupid sister.
• Stupid Mara.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

— Marilyn Monroe.

This was going to be the best week and it's still going to be. I'm going to get over this. But I really, really hate myself right now. Right now, in the moment, it feels like I'll never get over this. I hate this.

Prognosticate.

This is going to be pretty much a great week.

• Monday no school.
• Tuesday is Tuesday and I love Tuesdays.
• Wednesday late start.
• Wednesday Pizza Party!
• Thursday season premieres of Burn Notice & Royal Pains.
• Thursday we aren't going to the Senior Awards assembly... Brad Henning!
• Friday going to meet Edward Norton!

Hell yea! This is going to be amazing!

Gotta Make My Summer Calendar/Plans:

• Remodel Bedroom
• Studying For The SAT
• Museum Saturday's
• Golf Lessons & Try-Outs
• Golf Tourney – Saturday, July 24^th
• Reading List
• Movies & Chillin' w/Friends!
• Piano Lessons
• College Planning
• Camping at Lake Cushman!
• Summer Road Trip to Minnesota!

Community Service, Job Shadowing, College Visitations

Vocabulary.

Non-maleficence. Definition: Avoiding harm. See the bold part of that word? Yeah, it says something. Haha. I noticed that today and made Natalie laugh (:

So lately I've realized I've been pretty stupid. Like I know I was being stupid, but I was doing it anyway... I think it's what happened today that really made me realize I need to forget about these stupid fantasies and forget him and just stop what I'm doing before I do something really stupid and regret it.

Two things actually happened today. I don't think I want to read too much into the second thing though. During theatre tech we were doing our thing. Technical theatre stuff. The usual and the guys are doing most of the organizing in the shop. It's super dangerous and I was kind of scared people were actually gonna get hurt. Like, it's a death trap in there. Well I look up and he's up on top of the whole mess. The first thing I think is that he'd better not fall or get himself killed or nothing like that. I was pretty worried and it was dumb because I know he wouldn't do anything stupid enough where he'd get himself killed. Haha. But I was talking to some people and was like, "he'd better not hurt himself." And they sayyyyy, "why? Is it cuz you loooooveeee him?" Hahahaha. It's so ridiculous how these people tease us like that, but sometimes they really get to me.

Maybe I do love him, but I'm not sure if it's in that way. Maybe it is. I just know that I'm not in the right state of mind to be in a relationship or anything. Like I'm not ready for one and I keep making the mistake of thinking that I am. And I don't think I have the time for one or something. I just don't know how to juggle school and stuff with a relationship. It's a lot more difficult/complicated than it may seem. And knowing this, I don't want to date him and have it all end in the way I know it will. I don't think I'd want it to be like that with him. If something were to happen now it wouldn't end so well. That's just how it is. So if that's what love is... then yes. I love him.

Movie quotes...

Sleepless in Seattle quotes (:

Annie Reed: Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was...
Becky: A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.

Sam Baldwin: Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?
Jonah Baldwin: You wouldn't let me!
Sam Baldwin: Well I saw it and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of every man in America.

Dennis Reed: Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.

Leap Year quotes

Bride: May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you. Cheers!

Anna: When my 60 seconds came around I realized I had everything I ever wanted... but nothing I really needed and I think what I need is here and I came all this way to see if you maybe think so too. If you do, well... I don't really have plans past that, which is new for me. So, Declan O'Callhan, and I should probably learn your middle name, here is my proposal; I propose we not make plans, I propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out. So what do you say, do you wanna not make plans with me?

Declan: Mrs. O'Brady Callhan. Where the hell are you going?
Anna: You said no.
Declan: I didn't say no. I didn't say anything.
Anna: You walked away.
Declan: I was getting something.
Anna: Really? That was a good time to go get something?
Declan: Yeah, it was actually.
[Presents Anna with a ring]

Declan: I don't want to not to make plans with you. I want to make plans with you.
Anna: You do?
Declan: Yeah I do.

"always kiss like it's the first time and the last time"

101.

I think I want to go in and double major in communications and graphics design now... and still minor in technical theatre. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, but I am determined to be successful. And happy. I'm happy now and I think that being happy is being successful. Thus, I am a huge success right now! Haha.

I thought today was beautiful (: I got to drive around a lot because we had to go to the store. It felt good and I can't wait to get my license next month. And as of next month... the Montero will be mine! :D

I was able to get a lot done on my outside reading project, so I'm not too worried about it. And Sleepless in Seattle is a magical movie (:

Life is beautiful.

**Random articleeeee:

I Didn’t Want to Date a Slacker

“I think the guy I turned down thought I said no because he’s currently unemployed. He even implied that I was snobby for not giving him a chance. But his unemployment had nothing to do with it. After a few minutes of talking with him at a dinner party, I could tell he was just a little too content doing nothing. He didn’t seem to have any passions driving his life. Now, I don’t need a Wall Street tycoon to date, but come on! At least show me that you’re trying in life.”
— Mary Ann, 38, Baltimore, MD
Lesson learned: If a woman wonders what you bring to the party — literally and figuratively — then clean up your act so you show her you’re a worthy partner who has goals and aspirations.

One Hundred.

So this is my one hundredth PUBLISHED post. Haha. There are some posts that will forever stay as drafts, but that's a different story. I'm so drained that when mixed with illness or allergies makes me depressed. I'm trying to stay happy and pumped though. Haha.

I'm glad it's Friday... I really hope to get some rest this weekend. It's rare, but it happens. Haha. Anyway, this week and today has been pretty great aside from the exhaustion. I've conquered a math test today and I'm confident in myself.

Ummm... so there's actually a lot I feel like saying, but don't know if it'd be right putting them all into words. Like it just seems like there are no words that could accurately describe how my life is and how I feel about it. I love it and I just think there are things that can't be explained or described.

Digital design was a whole lot of nothing.

AP biology... everyone is complaining about this bioethics projects, but I'm actually pretty excited to do it. I don't exactly see what the big deal is. I mean, it's just another paper I think. Just another project. Suck it up... but then again I'm weird and actually enjoy writing papers... so yeah. lol.

English! I love this class. We just finished reading the Taming of the Shrew and I absolutely loved that play!! 10 Things I Hate About You is the modern adaptation of the play in a high school setting. It's absolutely amazing to me. And I got a B on my persuasive essay... I'm a little bummed about it, but it's better than an F. I'm excited for the modern adaption project for the play though. Natalie and I are doing a western version and I'm going to make it as dirty, but appropriate [if possible] as I can ;D I'm just worried about this outside reading project now... I'll get it done though. Some day, some how. Hahaha.

CWI. Eh. I kind of hate that class for all kinds of reasons, but I've got a good grade, so I'm ok with it. Haha.

Theatre tech! I basically love that class... nothing more to it. Haha.

So yeah... that's life. Oh and I found out that the guy I had a crush on that is 8 years older than me is GAY. Kills my heart and fantasies, but dude... maybe I'll get a gay best friend! haha. (:

Oh and I don't know if I mentioned this because I'm too lazy to scroll up and check, but I just got home from Nikki's birthday party. It was cool meeting all her friends and it was just fun in general. I love that girl! Happy day-before-your birthday! (:

Alright. I'm drained. Time to sleep. Good night world!

**Things that made my night:

• Eric -- You got guts. You see things to the end no matter how hard it is for you.
• Me -- I try, but people make it difficult when it comes to college. Haha.
• Eric -- Yet you still don't quit.
• Me -- Cuz I'm a daydreamer who still hopes for the best and it'll kill me in the end.
• Eric --No, you're a tough girl who will make things turn out good for you, not a daydreamer.