Deep in thought...

After hours, days, weeks, and probably even months of stressing over life I think I'm really starting to get used to it. I realized that I wouldn't be anything without my family, but I also realize that I can't depend on them all the time. I need to start depending on myself to step up and speak up more than anything. I'm tired of being so afraid to go out because I might run into someone or see someone I know or know of... I'm not sure why I don't like running into people in public places I just don't. I think it's that I'm caught off guard when seeing certain people I don't expect to see and as a result I just don't know how to react when seeing said person/people.

I've improved as a person, but as life goes on... things keep changing. Things I once thought were one thing turn out to be something totally different. My opinions have changed and my choice of life style/college life/study habits... etc, have changed so much. Lately I've been thinking about the future, so I'm going to stop dwelling in the past unless to learn from a previous mistake.

I'm not sure how my life will turn out, but I think I have a good idea of what I want and how I might get there. When talking about college and career's, I've been pushed and shoved in so many directions. My mind is constantly being filled with ideas and influenced by the slightest remarks. Like once I think I have my heart set on something, someone I respect like a close teacher or family says something about negative about my choice or suggests something else that I should do and I go into this whole cycle all over again. I've finally realized that others say things and will try to sway you to go a certain way, but they don't know me as well as I know myself and I am the only person that knows what I truly want.

Example... theatre tech, design, and lighting. For a while I was unsure about the idea during freshman year, then I thought it was my calling towards the beginning of sophmore year. Then I started getting into it a little more and realized that it just wasn't for me. I mean I still like helping out with the theatre, but I just couldn't see myself really doing it for the rest of my life or anything. And now coming into my Junior year I have yet again changed my mind, but this time I think I've found something I really want to do.

Moral of the story is... follow your heart. I mean, there's a lot more to it, but that's the basic message to my story here. Haha... so yeah. I don't know. I really want to write more, but I'm too tired.

So, I have a few secrets...
I'm a sap for romantic comedies and love stories in general.
I have a secret crush on the Backstreet Boys... concert tonight was fun (:
The people that truly inspire me are my mom&dad, Tita Liza, and Tita Cathy.
I owe my mom so much and need to show my appreciation better...
I love staying up until 2am, but I like waking up at 6am and not feeling tired :P

Good night.