Tuesday, June 1, 2010

burning up inside.

I kind of hate myself on all kinds of levels today. I just don't know. I'm so close to tears, but I don't want to cry because I don't want that feeling of weakness and defeat right now. Even thought I know I've been beated and defeated. I feel like such an awful person and I was just really stupid today. I don't want to leave my room because I know what I did was stupid and shit and I don't want to face them. I just hate myself and today in general. I don't know what to do about it right now. I wish I'd stop being so stupid.
  • AF. Stupid bastard.
  • Stupid cards.
  • Stupid windows movie player.
  • Stupid sister.
  • Stupid Mara.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe.

This was going to be the best week and it's still going to be. I'm going to get over this. But I really, really hate myself right now. Right now, in the moment, it feels like I'll never get over this. I hate this.

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