Vocabulary.

Non-maleficence. Definition: Avoiding harm. See the bold part of that word? Yeah, it says something. Haha. I noticed that today and made Natalie laugh (:

So lately I've realized I've been pretty stupid. Like I know I was being stupid, but I was doing it anyway... I think it's what happened today that really made me realize I need to forget about these stupid fantasies and forget him and just stop what I'm doing before I do something really stupid and regret it.

Two things actually happened today. I don't think I want to read too much into the second thing though. During theatre tech we were doing our thing. Technical theatre stuff. The usual and the guys are doing most of the organizing in the shop. It's super dangerous and I was kind of scared people were actually gonna get hurt. Like, it's a death trap in there. Well I look up and he's up on top of the whole mess. The first thing I think is that he'd better not fall or get himself killed or nothing like that. I was pretty worried and it was dumb because I know he wouldn't do anything stupid enough where he'd get himself killed. Haha. But I was talking to some people and was like, "he'd better not hurt himself." And they sayyyyy, "why? Is it cuz you loooooveeee him?" Hahahaha. It's so ridiculous how these people tease us like that, but sometimes they really get to me.

Maybe I do love him, but I'm not sure if it's in that way. Maybe it is. I just know that I'm not in the right state of mind to be in a relationship or anything. Like I'm not ready for one and I keep making the mistake of thinking that I am. And I don't think I have the time for one or something. I just don't know how to juggle school and stuff with a relationship. It's a lot more difficult/complicated than it may seem. And knowing this, I don't want to date him and have it all end in the way I know it will. I don't think I'd want it to be like that with him. If something were to happen now it wouldn't end so well. That's just how it is. So if that's what love is... then yes. I love him.