I'm going to start titling my blogs with songs I'm currently listening to. I think that a song can really influence the way you blog like the way it influences the way you feel. That's my little theory. Haha. I know it's a little ridiculous, but I'm really wanting to blog about something and I can't figure out what to say and stuff.
My mom thinks I'm working on my homework. I'm looking at my screen with this intensity that says "I'm busy, leave me alone," and there are random papers scattered on my desk in front of me. With a glance down at these papers every now and then make it look like I'm actually doing something important.... but I'm not. Haha. It's quite amusing I think. (:
Now I don't know what to blog about. There's this feeling in my gut that tells me to clean my room. It's an OCD thing or something, but I can't think because I feel like my room is a huge mess. I do this stupid thing too, like I don't even understand why I do it. In order to clean my room and organize it the way I want I have to destroy it and make an even bigger mess first. It's weird, but it works.
Argh. I think the reason I didn't know what to say in this post was because I actually had a lot to say... I just didn't know how I was going to form the words together to make any bit of sense. Here are the things I want to say... and I'm making this list just in case I forget to mention something:
- MVCC Scholarship
- School/Next years schedule
- Stress, stress, and tests
- Friends/Important people
- Goals/happiness/random shizzz [already done xD]
So I'm getting really freaked out right now. I'm getting stressed out about this semester and next year and stuff. So this semester there are like a bunch of things that I'm dreading and it's making my head wanna explode. There's HSPE, AP biology exam, and the bio ethics project. It's ridiculous how freaked out I am.
To make matters worse, I'm stressing about my classes for next year. Registration for classes start on Thursday. I'm stuck on a bunch of things like whether or not to take running start, APUSH or not, and theatre tech. I was going to do yearbook, but I didn't get in. Well I got put on a waiting list in case a spot opened up. I was just real bummed out when I didn't get in first try. It kind of annoyed me though because it was all the popular type kids that got in, but maybe I'm just being bitter. Blah. I was going to do yearbook instead of theatre tech if I got in, but now I don't know what I'm going to do.
Ms. Lloyd is freaking me out because she keeps telling people that I'm going to take up a career in theatre, but I don't think that's for me. I mean it's fun and I could do it if I wanted to, but I don't want that. I'm not completely sure what I want, but writing and research are a big part of it and I think my dream job is an archivist and working for a big museum some place.
Now on top of big tests/projects, classes, and future careers... I'm worried about the MVCC scholarship, which is something I want so badly. This isn't a college scholarship type of thing. It's a scholarship to play golf at the Meridian Valley Country Club as if I were a member for free. It's a big deal for me. To be a member you'd have to pay like $2000 just to become a member and then $100 every month after that to stay a member. If I get this scholarship I don't have to pay for any of that and get all the benefits for an entire year. It would be so awesome, plus it would really help me improve my game. I really want to make varsity next year and hopefully this will help. I have the grades to get in and all of my recommendation letters are in the process of being written. To qualify I need to shoot an average of 130, but I can shoot like 20 below that easy. I just need to write my essay and autobiography. I just don't want to get excited about this and not get it. I hate that feeling.
I'm just so nervous and stressed out about everything, like ah. Life is scary that way. I guess I just have to persevere.
P.S. I'll write a separate post about the important people some other time. I need to get some stuff done. BTW, I got myself a new playlist... AGAIN. Sorry. Haha.
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