Prognosticate.

This is going to be pretty much a great week.

• Monday no school.
• Tuesday is Tuesday and I love Tuesdays.
• Wednesday late start.
• Wednesday Pizza Party!
• Thursday season premieres of Burn Notice & Royal Pains.
• Thursday we aren't going to the Senior Awards assembly... Brad Henning!
• Friday going to meet Edward Norton!

Hell yea! This is going to be amazing!

Gotta Make My Summer Calendar/Plans:

• Remodel Bedroom
• Studying For The SAT
• Museum Saturday's
• Golf Lessons & Try-Outs
• Golf Tourney – Saturday, July 24^th
• Reading List
• Movies & Chillin' w/Friends!
• Piano Lessons
• College Planning
• Camping at Lake Cushman!
• Summer Road Trip to Minnesota!

Community Service, Job Shadowing, College Visitations

Vocabulary.

Non-maleficence. Definition: Avoiding harm. See the bold part of that word? Yeah, it says something. Haha. I noticed that today and made Natalie laugh (:

So lately I've realized I've been pretty stupid. Like I know I was being stupid, but I was doing it anyway... I think it's what happened today that really made me realize I need to forget about these stupid fantasies and forget him and just stop what I'm doing before I do something really stupid and regret it.

Two things actually happened today. I don't think I want to read too much into the second thing though. During theatre tech we were doing our thing. Technical theatre stuff. The usual and the guys are doing most of the organizing in the shop. It's super dangerous and I was kind of scared people were actually gonna get hurt. Like, it's a death trap in there. Well I look up and he's up on top of the whole mess. The first thing I think is that he'd better not fall or get himself killed or nothing like that. I was pretty worried and it was dumb because I know he wouldn't do anything stupid enough where he'd get himself killed. Haha. But I was talking to some people and was like, "he'd better not hurt himself." And they sayyyyy, "why? Is it cuz you loooooveeee him?" Hahahaha. It's so ridiculous how these people tease us like that, but sometimes they really get to me.

Maybe I do love him, but I'm not sure if it's in that way. Maybe it is. I just know that I'm not in the right state of mind to be in a relationship or anything. Like I'm not ready for one and I keep making the mistake of thinking that I am. And I don't think I have the time for one or something. I just don't know how to juggle school and stuff with a relationship. It's a lot more difficult/complicated than it may seem. And knowing this, I don't want to date him and have it all end in the way I know it will. I don't think I'd want it to be like that with him. If something were to happen now it wouldn't end so well. That's just how it is. So if that's what love is... then yes. I love him.

Movie quotes...

Sleepless in Seattle quotes (:

Annie Reed: Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was...
Becky: A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.

Sam Baldwin: Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?
Jonah Baldwin: You wouldn't let me!
Sam Baldwin: Well I saw it and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of every man in America.

Dennis Reed: Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.

Leap Year quotes

Bride: May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you. Cheers!

Anna: When my 60 seconds came around I realized I had everything I ever wanted... but nothing I really needed and I think what I need is here and I came all this way to see if you maybe think so too. If you do, well... I don't really have plans past that, which is new for me. So, Declan O'Callhan, and I should probably learn your middle name, here is my proposal; I propose we not make plans, I propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out. So what do you say, do you wanna not make plans with me?

Declan: Mrs. O'Brady Callhan. Where the hell are you going?
Anna: You said no.
Declan: I didn't say no. I didn't say anything.
Anna: You walked away.
Declan: I was getting something.
Anna: Really? That was a good time to go get something?
Declan: Yeah, it was actually.
[Presents Anna with a ring]

Declan: I don't want to not to make plans with you. I want to make plans with you.
Anna: You do?
Declan: Yeah I do.

"always kiss like it's the first time and the last time"

101.

I think I want to go in and double major in communications and graphics design now... and still minor in technical theatre. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, but I am determined to be successful. And happy. I'm happy now and I think that being happy is being successful. Thus, I am a huge success right now! Haha.

I thought today was beautiful (: I got to drive around a lot because we had to go to the store. It felt good and I can't wait to get my license next month. And as of next month... the Montero will be mine! :D

I was able to get a lot done on my outside reading project, so I'm not too worried about it. And Sleepless in Seattle is a magical movie (:

Life is beautiful.

**Random articleeeee:

I Didn’t Want to Date a Slacker

“I think the guy I turned down thought I said no because he’s currently unemployed. He even implied that I was snobby for not giving him a chance. But his unemployment had nothing to do with it. After a few minutes of talking with him at a dinner party, I could tell he was just a little too content doing nothing. He didn’t seem to have any passions driving his life. Now, I don’t need a Wall Street tycoon to date, but come on! At least show me that you’re trying in life.”
— Mary Ann, 38, Baltimore, MD
Lesson learned: If a woman wonders what you bring to the party — literally and figuratively — then clean up your act so you show her you’re a worthy partner who has goals and aspirations.

One Hundred.

So this is my one hundredth PUBLISHED post. Haha. There are some posts that will forever stay as drafts, but that's a different story. I'm so drained that when mixed with illness or allergies makes me depressed. I'm trying to stay happy and pumped though. Haha.

I'm glad it's Friday... I really hope to get some rest this weekend. It's rare, but it happens. Haha. Anyway, this week and today has been pretty great aside from the exhaustion. I've conquered a math test today and I'm confident in myself.

Ummm... so there's actually a lot I feel like saying, but don't know if it'd be right putting them all into words. Like it just seems like there are no words that could accurately describe how my life is and how I feel about it. I love it and I just think there are things that can't be explained or described.

Digital design was a whole lot of nothing.

AP biology... everyone is complaining about this bioethics projects, but I'm actually pretty excited to do it. I don't exactly see what the big deal is. I mean, it's just another paper I think. Just another project. Suck it up... but then again I'm weird and actually enjoy writing papers... so yeah. lol.

English! I love this class. We just finished reading the Taming of the Shrew and I absolutely loved that play!! 10 Things I Hate About You is the modern adaptation of the play in a high school setting. It's absolutely amazing to me. And I got a B on my persuasive essay... I'm a little bummed about it, but it's better than an F. I'm excited for the modern adaption project for the play though. Natalie and I are doing a western version and I'm going to make it as dirty, but appropriate [if possible] as I can ;D I'm just worried about this outside reading project now... I'll get it done though. Some day, some how. Hahaha.

CWI. Eh. I kind of hate that class for all kinds of reasons, but I've got a good grade, so I'm ok with it. Haha.

Theatre tech! I basically love that class... nothing more to it. Haha.

So yeah... that's life. Oh and I found out that the guy I had a crush on that is 8 years older than me is GAY. Kills my heart and fantasies, but dude... maybe I'll get a gay best friend! haha. (:

Oh and I don't know if I mentioned this because I'm too lazy to scroll up and check, but I just got home from Nikki's birthday party. It was cool meeting all her friends and it was just fun in general. I love that girl! Happy day-before-your birthday! (:

Alright. I'm drained. Time to sleep. Good night world!

**Things that made my night:

• Eric -- You got guts. You see things to the end no matter how hard it is for you.
• Me -- I try, but people make it difficult when it comes to college. Haha.
• Eric -- Yet you still don't quit.
• Me -- Cuz I'm a daydreamer who still hopes for the best and it'll kill me in the end.
• Eric --No, you're a tough girl who will make things turn out good for you, not a daydreamer.

The Switch.

I'm so drained. Unbelievably drained. I've created a two month calendar to keep me focused, so I can make it til the end of the year. Ugh. I'm trying not to be like everyone whose just shutting down/giving up because it's the end of year, but it's like an automatic reaction for all teenage student people. Haha. After school ends I'm going to make my 3 month summer plan... I actually might make that soon.

• Summer Show
• Golf lessons & tourney
• Piano lessons
• Remodel bedroom
• Studying for the SAT
• College planning
• Reading list
• Museum Saturday's
• Find a job?

Yup, that's what I'll be doing this summer. I'm going to keep busy because I can. (:

I keep changing my mind about college! I want to stay involved with the theatre because it's fun and I love it. I think that I've got this constant plan though... like I don't know what I'm going to be studying, but I know I want to double major and minor in stuff. Then get a Ph.D... I just don't know in what subjects and such. I still have some time to think about it, but it's getting close. Right now I'm thinking about double majoring in Business&Graphic Design [I'm thinking about a career in advertising] and minoring in technical theatre. (: It seems like a good plan. It's a huge mesh of everything I love. I love computers and digital design in one of my favorite classes right now, so that's gotta mean something right? And I love math and I'm good at it. And well, the theatre is a magical place :D I don't know though... I'll change my mind again and again and again. Haha. It'll all work out though. I will make sure of that.

**Things I on my mind:

• Leap Year -- saw it yesterday, super cute and really good. ♥
• Elvis & Little Richard... gotta love Pandora.
• Eric & the Manwhore. Eh... haha. Eric is cool. The Manwhore not so much.
• Best friends & the old days...
• Stress... school... exhausted...

thunder to my lightning

Pros:

• Kind
• Smart
• Funny
• Easy to talk to
• Into zombie movies
• Theatre kid (:
• Major(s) = political science & theatre
• Minor = english literature

Cons:

• Age
• College... going to grad school
• Moving to memphis
• Never gonna see again :P
• I don't understand what he's talking about sometimes xD

Reason why I'm lucky to have met him...

• He's really helped me relax about this college thing and since he's been through it all already, I know I can trust his opinion esp. since he's got the same mindset as me towards a lot of things. He's kind of the first person that's told me to go for it in a way that actually sounded sincere. He didn't say anything about how in the future a history degree is only worth anything if you go into teaching or what not. He's the first person to actually say, "Well what do you want to do?" without saying something about the future and money and all the things I already know will make it difficult to pursue my dreams. Instead he says that if it makes me happy I should go for it and not worry so much about it because I'll get there. I mean people have said that, but for some reason it sounded so sincere and genuine coming from him.

I know I had a little crush on him and that pros and cons list was like a list of dating him or just him himself. I don't know why, but I really wanted to make that list. I lied. I had a serious crush on this guy and since I knew he was going to be gone & I wouldn't hear from him ever again after the play was over, I let myself like him. I understand that we never would've dated or anything, but it was one of those happy fantasy dream things. Haha. I'll miss him and hopefully I can get in touch with him somehow later on because I think it'd be really cool if we were able to be good friends.

par-tay

I feel like crap right now physically, but mentally I'm fine, sort of. Haha. My neck is swollen again because of some stupid sickness. I'm not sure what it is, but my lymph nodes are swollen again and hurt like hell.

Yesterday was crazy. The first half was lazy. The second half was spent at the theatre. It was so crazy. So awesome. I don't even know how to explain it. The cast party last night was pretty crazy too. Haha. Maddie and I stayed until 2AM. Megs walked us with us to my house. We watched some TV and did homework this morning. Now I'm just chilling with the family because they all just came back from the Lodge.

Grad School

I thought today was kind of perfect. Haha.

Woke up and decided to wear a skirt.

I got me an ice mocha at Starbucks.

We had a sub in math so we played Uno!

Worked on my pacman flash movie in digital design.

Mac helped me find a sound effect for my movie.

We talked about college in biology... Boston here I come!

Lunch was fun with Brian & Jerame again!

English was cool. I love this play we're reading.

The Taming of the Shrew = 10 Things I Hate About You.

CWI was kind of sucked because Ms. Short is a b*tch.

Theatre tech was fun because we worked on our sketches again.

I truly love the theatre and all it has to offer.

After school I helped my dad get his stuff for his office.

He got a promotion type deal so I'm super happy.

Then we got ourselves some Panda Express!

After a quick 20 minute power nap I was off to the theatre again.

We had a full, FULL house tonight and it was amazing!

There were some minor mistakes, but it was fun.

There was so much energy and it just rocked.

I'm excited for closing night tomorrow. It's gonna be packed!

Oh and I'm proud of Matty C! He's getting out! Hahaha.

He got accepted into grad school in Memphis.

He's pretty much getting paid to go to school.

His tuition is being waived and he's getting paid $20 an hour.

I'm going to assume that it's for theatre stuff.

No matter what it is, congratz to him (:

Alright, time to sleep in. I'm not going into the museum tomorrow...

Just too tired and I have too much to do. School wise.

Tomorrow's Agenda:

• Sleep in
• Wake up
• Shower
• HW, etc.
• Wiz of Oz!
• Cast Party!!
• Madds spends the night...

Sunday:

• Wake up
• Work on English w/Madds
• See Iron Man again w/the gang?

Next Week&Goals:

• Quit coffee
• Jog for half an hour every morning (5am)
• Golf! (Monday, Tuesday, &Wednesday)
• Poetry thing (Wednesday)
• Finish Outside Reading Project

Thanks Eric for telling me about this song! (:

Shooting Stars by Edwin McCain

We keep our love in a plain brown box
We keep it tied with a simple lock
We hold it close 'cause it's all we got
We think it's ordinary but it's not

In a world that's starting to fade
A little love could pave the way
Don't keep it tied with the simple lock
You think it's ordinary but it's not

[Chorus:]
Maybe this life is just about love and tenderness
If all we are are shooting stars
Maybe we, we can fight
All of this pain and loneliness if
All we are are shooting stars

Tired of hearing 'bout the bling-bling
We're so concered with material things
It's all cars and diamond rings
And do you think it's gonna to ease your sting

Cause that's a hole that you can't fill
Velvet rope overkill
Free your mind let your heart sing
And just remember that they're only things

[Chorus]

I used to live by the minute
I was too blind to see
Now I've found the strength to admit it
Now it's all I believe
Please

[Chorus]

Because...

BB: Awhh... you should ask him out!
MN: Hahaha... nahhh... I wouldn't wanna do that.
BB: Why not?!
MN: Because...
BB: Becauseeee?
MN: Because we're just good friends.
BB: That's not a good reason!
MN: He's my best friend! And I know I'm just too busy for a relationship right now, so if I asked him out now I know it would fail... I just don't want it to be like that...
BB: Awhhh!!! You LOVE him!
MN: What?! That's not what I said!
BB: Hahaha, it's what you meant!
MN: Whatever, you're crazy. (:

The Truth?

Note to Self: The Goo Goo Dolls on Pandora

We had this essential question in English today and it was talking about people we've liked and Maebori asked us to talk about whom it was we had or have the strongest feelings for and explain why that is in detail and stuff. I started off writing so generally like everyone else, but that one sentence turned into 5 which turned into a half of my page. I think about it and I realize that he is the only person I really feel like me. I've said this about other people, but it's not as true as when I'm with him. This is another post that probably won't ever get published, but I felt like it had to be written.

I've been in 'relationships' and everything has been perfect... but almost too perfect. It was like... I don't know. When I tell people that we've never been in an arguement or whatever they think I'm crazy for thinking that's a wrong thing. But really, I feel like a real relationship should have some disagreements and arguements and fights and that's when you know it's real. When you don't argue or fight and things are just perfect then maybe they're too perfect. And I think the reason I've never had a relationship where I've been in an arguement or whatever with them is because both sides are afraid to say whats on their mind and whatever. But in a relationship you have to be comfortable enough to share you own opnions and disagree on things. The only time I can really remember any of this happening is with him. He's my best friend and I thought I was past this. Haha.

I'm listening to the Goo Goo Dolls and I'm completely happy with my life. I don't want to date anymore or anything until I've got things figured out and I've found my rhythm. And I know it's weird how I'm saying that I love this guy, but don't want to date. Just because I love him doesn't mean we have to date. I think I might love him in a certain way, but I'm not sure how that is. It could be just a really strong friendship or something more. I don't know.

I remember over that summer. And remember a lot about the beginning of this year. This year was the first time we really got to hang out much. I don't know what it was, but everytime I saw him I was just sooooo annoyed and felt like I hated him. I just wanted to pick fights and just gah, I don't even know what came over me. I think it was a kind of denial. I wanted a reason to hate him so much because in reality, I was the bad guy. He's the best kind of guy and I don't know why I always run on them. I run away fromt he best guys and run towards the bad ones. I guess the guilt just kind of turned into a hate for some reason. Now I realize it was just stupid and even though I was kind of awful and we practically yelled at each other for half the year, he still sat by me in science and he's still my best friend. Haha. I think we're both a little crazy, but that's alright. I really hope we stay friends for a while.

I just don't want to hurt him again... I don't want to make him go through that again because if it does happen it will end. That's just how it is. So if that's what love is... then yes. I love him, but I don't think it's in the way people are making it out to be. Maybe it is. I don't know. I don't care because nothing's going to happen.

TG: Awhh... you should ask him out!
LG: Hahaha... nahhh... I wouldn't wanna do that.
TG: Why not?!
LG: Because...
TG: Becauseeee?
LG: Because we're just good friends.
TG: That's not a good reason!
LG: He's my best friend! And I know I'm just too busy for a relationship right now, so if I asked him out now I know it would fail... I just don't want it to be like that...
TG: Awhhh!!! You LOVE him!
LG: What?! That's not what I said!
TG: Hahaha, it's what you meant!
LG: Whatever, you're crazy. (:

Wicked!

Alright, so last night was a full house! It was more than a full house! We had to take chairs from the cast room and put them on the sides. It was amazing. All of the effects actually worked! Everything about yesterday/last night was brilliant.

Yesterday:

• Dropped off my Grandmother & Uncle David at the airport. We grabbed some Hawaiian Saimin first (: Yummy stuff.
• Museum. Worked my shift alone, so afterwards I was singing in the sunshine while I waited for the parents to pick me up from the museum. It was such a beautiful day.
• We watched Iron Man 2 when they picked me up! It was wicked. Haha. I mean, I thought it coulda/shoulda been better, but it was still pretty good.
• After we got home from the movies I actually decided to dress up for sundress Saturday (:
• Then the Wizard of Oz! (: Best night ever. I loved it so much... haha.

Today:

• Mother's Day... I love my mommy.
• We went to Duke's, the chowder house at Southcenter with the rest of the family.
• Tons of pictures were taking plus lots of walking around the mall. Haha.

"I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there?... Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different. " -- From the movie, Memento

Sold Out!

I am so stoked for tonight! Last night and yesterday in general was fantastic. Gate count was 319 and that's not that many apparently, but I think that's a ton. I guess tomorrow is already sold out or something, so it's going to be a full house! I am so stoked! Ah. Haha. I'm debating on whether or not to wear a dress today, but I don't think that'd be the best plan because there are some lights I have to set/fix. Haha. Yesterday everything went perfectly. Light, sand, projector, sound, acting, and set changes. Perfect! From here everything is just going to get better.

And Matty-C is again my favorite person. We started talking about college and stuff and I feel a lot better/less stressed out about it and stuff. I'm glad I finally got to talk to someone who actually went through college doing what he wanted and is actually pretty happy right now. And my daddy has talked to me about this other possible career for me and I looked it up. It's my dream job aside from an archivist. I think an archivist is still more of my kind of job, but I think I'd like being a paralegal more. And I'm really getting into theatre light designing, so I just don't know. Ms. Lloyd expects me to go into theatre as a college student and at first I thought that was ridiculous. Now I'm starting to really love it and stuff. So I was thinking maybe double major and get a Ph.D in theatre. I didn't know you could do that! Matt's friend did that. And I think I'm going to double major and get two degrees. Matt went to college for a Political Science degree and started doing theatre too. He's inspired me. Haha. And my dad said something that makes so much sense and I'm excited to think that this might actually be possible. Become a paralegal and do that stuff as a job and volunteer at theatre to do light design. Then when/if I were to make myself known through theatre, I should just start doing that professionally. The only thing I'm worried about that is that I don't know if I'd have time to do such things. Oh well, a girl can dream and dreaming/planning is what I'll do. Anyway, y'all should see the Wizard of Oz! It's fantastic!

Days Like This.

It's days like this that really make me what to cry with happiness and just hug people. Haha. Days like this remind me why life is so wonderful. I loved everything about today... Highlights:

• The guy at Starbucks knows my order at the drive thru before we even get our window down... I think I'm officially a regular! Hahaha.
• New student in math... hilarious watching Armando trying to flirt with her xD
• Digital Design was interesting as usual... haha. Always fun when hanging out with those guys. Mac, Dima, &Anthony are my favorites. I am one of the three girls in that class and I'm the only one that speaks guy apparently xDDD
• Assembly... drinking and driving... some people are assholes.
• AP biology was so much fun. Since the final is over and exam is happening on Monday, we did nothing! We played Egyptian ratscrew and BS. While some of the guys went to play Ultimate Ninja, Nat & I played Go[ld] Fish and did some magic card trick shit. Haha.
• Lunch was great. Our lunch table got jacked though. I mean it literally was just gone... so we sat somewhere else and Brian & Jerame were there (: It's always fun with those guys. Jerame & Catherine are soul mates for sure ;)
• English was English. Same old. CWI was CWI.
• Theatre tech! I remember now why I love the theatre so much. I was able fix all of the cues myself. After school Ms. Lloyd left a few of us alone in the theatre and I was able to do all the cues. It was so amazing how the cues were with the show! There are still some things that need to be fixed and I'm sure it'll be perfected in no time. I was a lifesaver to so many people today and it was awesome. Miranda's friend bought us tech kids pizza! Yum! And Matty-C is one of my favorite people, I swear. His epic idea ="play Iron Man when the Tin Man comes out on stage." Hahahaha. I love that guy.
• "I'm on it like a bonnet!" xDDD
• Stage God=James Gaines, Sound God=Matt C, Light Goddess=Me. Haha.
• Oh and I saw Nikki for the first time in a long time... that was pretty cool.

Life is pretty good.

Yesterdays News.

Failed AP final and doesn't give a shit.

Practically gives up on life :P

Shooting for a 3 on the AP exam.

Realized I love dressing up.

After school was interesting. AF.

Then opening night was a success

with a few minor flaws that will be fixed.

We'll be picture perfect in no time!

Come see the Wizard of Oz at KW!

Do it! Haha. (:

Day 2: Tuesday.

5AM work out for the second time.

Strange day throughout. AF.

Rehearsals. Opening night tomorrow.

Late start, coffee?

Love. Friendship. Family.

Life is grand.

Change.

Me.

In the Process.

So today was my first day of so-called change and it turned out pretty good. (:

I'll write more later. Peace. ♥

A Change of Pace.

Wizard of Oz.

History Museum.

Biology final fail.

Exam studying.

Scholarship denied.

Family time.

Friendship.

Kawali Grill.

Windtalkers.

Kick-ass.

AF. DA. EJ. JJ. MC.

Falling w/out a parachute.

Life.

Tomorrow's a new day...

time for change.