So, I think I like this guy a lot, but I don't know what to do. It'll be 3 weeks tomorrow and at first I was in this just ultimate super happy mode where I thought everything was going to be perfect... then I started getting this sinking feeling. I realize I have no idea how to be in a relationship and I'm afraid of losing what feels like the best thing to happen to me when it comes to guys. I feel like he's the perfect guy and I feel like this is too good to be true like I don't deserve someone as amazing as him. I feel like I'm dreaming and I'll wake up one morning and he won't feel the same way anymore. I mean, I really like this boy, but I'm constantly paranoid that I'm going to do something wrong or be too clingy or obsessive or I'll be worrying about that stuff too much so I'll distance myself so that I don't seem too clingy and stuff, but then I'll end up going too far and we're going to just drift. I don't know. That was a mess of confusion, but that's just how I feel.
This seriously feels like a fairy tale and I didn't think it was going to happen, but now that it's happening it feels like there's a catch. I keep thinking of different excuses of why he might have asked me out in the first place instead of him possibly actually liking me. I could make a list of things that I'm afraid of...
- ...being the girl that he's dating just to say he has a girlfriend.
- ...being the girl he's using to get over some other girl.
- ...being the girl he's using to make some other girl jealous.
- ...being the other girl.
- ...the other girl.
- ...falling, but even more of having no one to catch me.
- ...losing sight of the things that matter.
- ...losing balance...
There are so many insecurities that I could list. And there isn't any girl in particular, it's just a for instance. I'm just scared is all, but is it normal? I mean he's the first guy that I have approved by my parents and all that jazz. The first guy that seems normal and the start of an actual relationship, but I'm scared to keep going if it's not real or something. I just don't know.
I'm in serious need of relationship advice or something. I just don't know what I'm doing. I mean I've been in "relationships" or whatever you want to call them, but this one actually seems like it could be pretty solid if I could get pass my insecurities that usually ruin things after about a month... It's just like, ugh.
It's not that I get jealous or anything and confront him about it. It's more like get paranoid and scared and act all cool and break up with the person and say that it's for their own good because they wouldn't want to date me or it's not fair to them or whatever, but really I think I'm a selfish bitch sometimes... I hate feeling this way, but I do which makes it even worse. I don't mean to hurt anyone. Never.
I think that if he were to break up with me it would be devastating from my point of view, but at the same time I think it would be worse for him if I broke up with him... He's the perfect guy in my mind and I feel like he's not the kind of guy that would go through that list I made earlier or hurt anyone intentionally. That's just the way he is, a kind honest man, and I'm not just saying this because of how I feel about him. Anyone would say the same.
And let me be clear, this is not a post about me breaking up with him and I haven't had the idea of breaking up with him, but for whatever reason I feel like he'd be the one to break up with me. For the first time I feel kind of powerless over how long this might last. It's just completely unpredictable to me. That scares me. Not knowing is such a terrifying feeling. I like him, but I'm scared.
Is anyone out there... and if so, tell me please, is this normal?
It's totally normal :) I hope I can calm some fears though. I've known him for possibly too long and I can say that there is no other girl. You are THE girl. And it's not just because he wants a relationship. He stayed single for what seemed like forever because he refused to date just anybody. He's in this because he thinks you're special.
ReplyDeleteKnowing that you know this person that I'm talking about that you can say those things makes me feel a lot better about everything. Thank you for that. And thank you for assuring me of the normalcy of the situation (:
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